Archive for the ‘Dating’ Category
Safety Precautions for Seniors Dating Online
Shelley Lowery asked:
Older Americans can find themselves alone after many years of marriage because of death or divorce. It certainly isn’t an uncommon occurrence today. These people find themselves alone and lonely and more and more often, they are turning on their computers in order to look for the companionship that they so desperately want and need.
These older Americans didn’t grow up in a computerized world. Many of them are very computer savvy, but there are many who are not. They may have used a computer for shopping or banking or emailing family and friends, but the world of online dating is something that is truly out of their realm of expertise.
Back in their dating years, the young man always made the first move. HE called her. HE asked for a date and when she agreed, he showed up with flowers in one hand and a box of chocolates in the other. Dating was courting in their experience, but somewhere along the way the rules got changed…a LOT.
Now don’t misunderstand. Older people are well aware of how the world around them has changed over the years. What they are not aware of, because they haven’t had any need to know, is how the dating scene has changed. Dating online is a completely foreign idea and one that takes some getting used to.
There are online dating sites that are devoted specifically to senior online dating. The members are all supposed to be seniors. Sometimes older Americans will find these senior online dating sites and join one of them, but not always. When they do join a senior online dating site, they sometimes mistakenly believe that all of the other members really are seniors like themselves.
Many times seniors are in a position of being financially secure. They have worked their whole lives, saved and made good investments. Money (or the lack of it) is no longer an issue to them. Sometimes seniors will simply overlook the fact that for many people money (or the lack of it) IS an issue. This can be true for younger people, but it can also be true for some older people as well.
Seniors who engage in online dating should be very, very careful about giving out personal information. The problem is that sometimes seniors will fail to recognize exactly what information in the wrong hands can do them harm.
The very first thing that some seniors do when they begin an online dating relationship is supply their partner with their real name and the name of the city in which they live. Many seniors do not regard this information as dangerous to provide. They wouldn’t hand over their social security number, but they will readily supply their real name and their city of residence.
With no more than these two pieces of information, a person who has motives that are less than honorable can find out the home address, telephone number, what property is owned, and a boatload of other information.
For seniors, as well as for all others who engage in online dating, it is very important to withhold real names and cities of residence until you have established a relationship over a period of months. Scam artists and crooks don’t spend months to gather information. Unless it is readily supplied, these jerks move on the easier targets.
As with any relationship, take your time and let it develop slowly over time. There is somebody out there for everyone and the Internet is a great place to find that special person. However, when you think you’ve found the ‘right’ one, if they are the person you think they are and want them to be, they certainly won’t mind going slowly and cautiously.
Older Americans can find themselves alone after many years of marriage because of death or divorce. It certainly isn’t an uncommon occurrence today. These people find themselves alone and lonely and more and more often, they are turning on their computers in order to look for the companionship that they so desperately want and need.
These older Americans didn’t grow up in a computerized world. Many of them are very computer savvy, but there are many who are not. They may have used a computer for shopping or banking or emailing family and friends, but the world of online dating is something that is truly out of their realm of expertise.
Back in their dating years, the young man always made the first move. HE called her. HE asked for a date and when she agreed, he showed up with flowers in one hand and a box of chocolates in the other. Dating was courting in their experience, but somewhere along the way the rules got changed…a LOT.
Now don’t misunderstand. Older people are well aware of how the world around them has changed over the years. What they are not aware of, because they haven’t had any need to know, is how the dating scene has changed. Dating online is a completely foreign idea and one that takes some getting used to.
There are online dating sites that are devoted specifically to senior online dating. The members are all supposed to be seniors. Sometimes older Americans will find these senior online dating sites and join one of them, but not always. When they do join a senior online dating site, they sometimes mistakenly believe that all of the other members really are seniors like themselves.
Many times seniors are in a position of being financially secure. They have worked their whole lives, saved and made good investments. Money (or the lack of it) is no longer an issue to them. Sometimes seniors will simply overlook the fact that for many people money (or the lack of it) IS an issue. This can be true for younger people, but it can also be true for some older people as well.
Seniors who engage in online dating should be very, very careful about giving out personal information. The problem is that sometimes seniors will fail to recognize exactly what information in the wrong hands can do them harm.
The very first thing that some seniors do when they begin an online dating relationship is supply their partner with their real name and the name of the city in which they live. Many seniors do not regard this information as dangerous to provide. They wouldn’t hand over their social security number, but they will readily supply their real name and their city of residence.
With no more than these two pieces of information, a person who has motives that are less than honorable can find out the home address, telephone number, what property is owned, and a boatload of other information.
For seniors, as well as for all others who engage in online dating, it is very important to withhold real names and cities of residence until you have established a relationship over a period of months. Scam artists and crooks don’t spend months to gather information. Unless it is readily supplied, these jerks move on the easier targets.
As with any relationship, take your time and let it develop slowly over time. There is somebody out there for everyone and the Internet is a great place to find that special person. However, when you think you’ve found the ‘right’ one, if they are the person you think they are and want them to be, they certainly won’t mind going slowly and cautiously.
Is it Possible to Get Your Ex Back? What Can You Do?
Peter Harris asked:
If you’ve broken up with someone it is likely that you have asked yourself the question “is it possible to get your ex back?” You have likely run every scenario in your mind about what you could have done differently or what you would have changed to avoid the break up in the first place. Some go so far as to make a list of things they think they should do to win their lover back. But wait!
This may be wasted emotional energy and stress. You may not really know what the truth is behind the break up in the first place. Until you are sure you know the real reason you won’t be able to take the correct steps in winning your ex back. In an emotional breakup a man or woman may lose site of the real reasons they are breaking it off. Until everyone involved understands the real reasons behind the breakup you will drain your energy levels trying to figure it out.
There’s a couple of things you need to do to determine if it is possible to get your ex back. Forget about your ex-relationship for a while. This is the first thing you should do. Use this time to get involved in something else. Focus your attention elsewhere. Hang with old friends, make new friends, date other people or don’t date at all. Separate yourself from your ex.
Taking this type of action will allow you to make and accept slow changes to your life. You will be able to look at your former relationship more objectively if you take a few months to be by yourself, away from your ex. Let him or her to the same. By taking this time it will allow you to plan a better approach to winning your ex back.
After taking your time ask yourself “do I still want him or her back?” If the answer is yes then now is the time to sit down and figure out how your ex-partner feels about you. You can take a direct approach but you need a strategy. Don’t beg. Keep your emotions in check. This is not a good time to get emotional. Stay in control. You will appear much stronger and appealing to your ex.
Playing it cool will get you much farther ahead than wearing your emotions on your sleeve. As long as you have both taken some time apart from each other then you are likely both missing one another. Let your ex see that you are doing OK without them without being a jerk about it. This will “encourage” them to reconsider the relationship they had with you.
As you begin this process of winning your ex back try not to over analyze the situation. This can hinder the answer to the question is it possible to get your ex back? Slow and easy is the way to go.
If you’ve broken up with someone it is likely that you have asked yourself the question “is it possible to get your ex back?” You have likely run every scenario in your mind about what you could have done differently or what you would have changed to avoid the break up in the first place. Some go so far as to make a list of things they think they should do to win their lover back. But wait!
This may be wasted emotional energy and stress. You may not really know what the truth is behind the break up in the first place. Until you are sure you know the real reason you won’t be able to take the correct steps in winning your ex back. In an emotional breakup a man or woman may lose site of the real reasons they are breaking it off. Until everyone involved understands the real reasons behind the breakup you will drain your energy levels trying to figure it out.
There’s a couple of things you need to do to determine if it is possible to get your ex back. Forget about your ex-relationship for a while. This is the first thing you should do. Use this time to get involved in something else. Focus your attention elsewhere. Hang with old friends, make new friends, date other people or don’t date at all. Separate yourself from your ex.
Taking this type of action will allow you to make and accept slow changes to your life. You will be able to look at your former relationship more objectively if you take a few months to be by yourself, away from your ex. Let him or her to the same. By taking this time it will allow you to plan a better approach to winning your ex back.
After taking your time ask yourself “do I still want him or her back?” If the answer is yes then now is the time to sit down and figure out how your ex-partner feels about you. You can take a direct approach but you need a strategy. Don’t beg. Keep your emotions in check. This is not a good time to get emotional. Stay in control. You will appear much stronger and appealing to your ex.
Playing it cool will get you much farther ahead than wearing your emotions on your sleeve. As long as you have both taken some time apart from each other then you are likely both missing one another. Let your ex see that you are doing OK without them without being a jerk about it. This will “encourage” them to reconsider the relationship they had with you.
As you begin this process of winning your ex back try not to over analyze the situation. This can hinder the answer to the question is it possible to get your ex back? Slow and easy is the way to go.
You Don’t Trust Your Judgment
Jeffery Anderson asked:
YOU DON’T TRUST YOUR JUDGMENT
By Evan Mark Katz and Linda Holmes
Authors of Why You’re Still Single
EVAN:
Wouldn’t it be great if people were like computers? Instead of acting on things like “feelings” and “emotions”, we’d work off facts and empirical evidence, so that we’d never be fooled by the same racket twice. Sure, no one would be able to cry at chick flicks or sense when something’s wrong when you come home from work, but who cares? The day you emulate your laptop will be the final day you look across the dinner table at your boyfriend and ask yourself, “What the hell am I doing with this guy?”
Regrets? I’ve had a few. And after each bad relationship, I find myself retrospectively scratching my head, wondering how I could have been so blind. Ever ask your friends, “Now that we broke up, what did you really think about him?” Sure, you have. Upon which you learned that everyone unanimously felt he was a jerk since Day 1. What are friends for, if not to lie to you by lending unconditional support?
So if the rest of the world can see that someone is toxic, why do we stay? How do we end up with people who turn others off, but turn us on? I think it’s those damn human feelings getting in the way again. Even a total jerk can be expected to be a nice guy 80% of the time. And that 80% is all the positive reinforcement you need to stick around for too long with the wrong guy. If you were to be an impartial third-party judge of your own life, you might act differently. But it’s a lot harder to leave your own neglectful boyfriend than it is to tell your girlfriend to dump hers.
It’s simple to put labels on a guy to justify why he should be dumped- he’s neglectful, he’s abusive, he’s selfish, he’s gay, blahblahblah. What’s far more interesting is when you find yourself wholly invested in someone who defies any of these “bad” descriptions. In fact, you’re pretty sure you’re dating a good person. He was generous when courting you, he was respectful when he met your parents, and he gets along really well with your friends. You couldn’t have seen his downside when you first got together. But since he lost his job, you’ve discovered he has a really short temper. Plus, he hasn’t been too aggressive in finding work. In fact, he said that he’s contemplating a new career, although he doesn’t know what that will be quite yet.
Revelations like this present a real problem. People fall hard and fast for each other, which is wonderful and normal. No one should begrudge anyone’s puppy love. But as any parent will tell their teens, puppy love is evanescent. True love takes endurance. Which is why there’s no point in beating yourself up about not trusting your judgment. It doesn’t do you any good.
By the same token, I’m not saying that you should always trust your judgment. We’re humans. We make mistakes. However, like lab rats who get shocked when they go for the wrong cheese, we have the capacity to learn from them. And if you’re going out with the same narcissistic guy or the same alcoholic guy or the same emotionally unavailable guy over and over and over gain, THAT’s where you need to beat up on yourself. The one thing you can trust is that you’ve been down this path before and you know how it ends.
It may make perfect sense to be gun-shy following a string of mistakes, but the present is not the past, and you are not the same as you were during your last relationship. Because relationships are inherently exploratory, judgment is best rendered later, when you have more facts. And if, after all of this, you still can’t trust your judgment, try to trust your gut – the part that says that you’re not excited by him, the part that says that something’s a little off. You’ll never know right off the bat if the guy who’s close with his family is a spineless mama’s boy, so give him a fair shake until he doesn’t deserve one. Just don’t expect your friends to tell you the truth until it’s over.
LINDA:
One of the things people asked me when they found out I was working on our book was an obvious, but intriguingly weird, question: Why would anybody listen to a single person’s thoughts about relationships? This was a question particularly directed to me by a couple of smug married people I met casually, who wouldn’t read a book like Why You’re Still Single anyway, didn’t know me, and believed that they were far more difficult to read than they actually were.
The thesis behind this question is that a single person, by definition, knows nothing about relationships, because if she did, she wouldn’t be single. It makes sense on the surface, right? But think about it this way: if success is defined as the ability to have a long-term relationship that doesn’t end for one reason or another, then every person starts every new relationship batting 0-for-whatever. All your relationships have ended. You haven’t made it work yet. Ergo, you know nothing.
This kind of thinking, if you embrace it, will sink you. You are asking yourself to enter your next relationship assuming you don’t know anything. In my experience, it’s not the things you genuinely don’t know that mess you up; it’s the things you won’t admit you know. It’s the things that are sitting right there ready to be noticed if you’re willing to pay attention to what’s already happened in your own life.
You’ve learned, for instance, that when people stop calling and they make you do all the work, that’s a bad sign. You’ve learned that picking at the scab of an old argument has never, ever, in the history of your relationships, made anything better. You’ve learned that nobody interesting is attracted to you when you act helpless. You’ve learned that showing off how damaged and needy you are will only attract drama.
So you have two choices. You can go on the theory that you don’t know anything. You’re single, after all. What do you know? Or you can listen to your own judgment and your own experience, and you can admit that you have, in whatever painful way, probably learned a lot.
Of course, the problem is the fact that not all your instincts should be obeyed. Lots of things — fear, overthinking, past hurts, external pressure — can throw them off. It’s not that you should act on every impulse that you have on the assumption that your accumulated wisdom will steer your impulses every time. The trick, I think, is how to tell the difference between an impulse and an instinct. I’d love to tell you that there’s a rule of thumb that will identify the difference between a gut feeling you must not ignore and one that you must overcome. From time to time, you’re going to guess wrong; there’s no way around it.
Consider the classic problem of what to take personally. Your boyfriend is busy at work, and he stops calling. On the one hand, your experience will tell you that signals that come in the form of people pulling back from you should not be ignored, and that reading the room is important. On the other hand, it may also tell you that you have some tendency to take things to heart that should not be taken as such. What do you do? It would be great if there were a bulletproof way to be right, but you’re going to have to draw a line. In this case, it’s a line that marks how much dropping out is too much before you freak out. The fact that you freaked out unnecessarily last time over not being called for two days doesn’t mean that you should let it go by if you don’t get a call for two weeks. In the same way, the fact that you feel like you missed the signs last time because your boyfriend avoided you for three weeks doesn’t mean that the first time he asks for a night alone, you should tell him you get it, tell him you understand, wish him well, and rush right over to pick up the DVD you left at his apartment so that the two of you never have to speak again.
What you have to do is read the signs — all the signs, good and bad, and do the best you can. You know things, and it’s when you can feel yourself straining to ignore one of those things you know that you’re going to get yourself in trouble. What do you, a single person, know about relationships? Probably more than you think.
Copyright © 2006 Evan Marc Katz and Linda Holmes
EVAN MARK KATZ is the founder of E-Cyrano.com, an online dating consulting service that partners with JDate and other dating sites. He has been featured on CNN, Fox, NPR, and the Today Show, and, yes, he is, in fact, single and living in Los Angeles.
LINDA HOLMES writes as “Miss Alli” for Television Without Pity and is a frequent contributor to MSNBC.com. She lives in Minneapolis.
Visit www.whyyourestillsingle.com for more information.
YOU DON’T TRUST YOUR JUDGMENT
By Evan Mark Katz and Linda Holmes
Authors of Why You’re Still Single
EVAN:
Wouldn’t it be great if people were like computers? Instead of acting on things like “feelings” and “emotions”, we’d work off facts and empirical evidence, so that we’d never be fooled by the same racket twice. Sure, no one would be able to cry at chick flicks or sense when something’s wrong when you come home from work, but who cares? The day you emulate your laptop will be the final day you look across the dinner table at your boyfriend and ask yourself, “What the hell am I doing with this guy?”
Regrets? I’ve had a few. And after each bad relationship, I find myself retrospectively scratching my head, wondering how I could have been so blind. Ever ask your friends, “Now that we broke up, what did you really think about him?” Sure, you have. Upon which you learned that everyone unanimously felt he was a jerk since Day 1. What are friends for, if not to lie to you by lending unconditional support?
So if the rest of the world can see that someone is toxic, why do we stay? How do we end up with people who turn others off, but turn us on? I think it’s those damn human feelings getting in the way again. Even a total jerk can be expected to be a nice guy 80% of the time. And that 80% is all the positive reinforcement you need to stick around for too long with the wrong guy. If you were to be an impartial third-party judge of your own life, you might act differently. But it’s a lot harder to leave your own neglectful boyfriend than it is to tell your girlfriend to dump hers.
It’s simple to put labels on a guy to justify why he should be dumped- he’s neglectful, he’s abusive, he’s selfish, he’s gay, blahblahblah. What’s far more interesting is when you find yourself wholly invested in someone who defies any of these “bad” descriptions. In fact, you’re pretty sure you’re dating a good person. He was generous when courting you, he was respectful when he met your parents, and he gets along really well with your friends. You couldn’t have seen his downside when you first got together. But since he lost his job, you’ve discovered he has a really short temper. Plus, he hasn’t been too aggressive in finding work. In fact, he said that he’s contemplating a new career, although he doesn’t know what that will be quite yet.
Revelations like this present a real problem. People fall hard and fast for each other, which is wonderful and normal. No one should begrudge anyone’s puppy love. But as any parent will tell their teens, puppy love is evanescent. True love takes endurance. Which is why there’s no point in beating yourself up about not trusting your judgment. It doesn’t do you any good.
By the same token, I’m not saying that you should always trust your judgment. We’re humans. We make mistakes. However, like lab rats who get shocked when they go for the wrong cheese, we have the capacity to learn from them. And if you’re going out with the same narcissistic guy or the same alcoholic guy or the same emotionally unavailable guy over and over and over gain, THAT’s where you need to beat up on yourself. The one thing you can trust is that you’ve been down this path before and you know how it ends.
It may make perfect sense to be gun-shy following a string of mistakes, but the present is not the past, and you are not the same as you were during your last relationship. Because relationships are inherently exploratory, judgment is best rendered later, when you have more facts. And if, after all of this, you still can’t trust your judgment, try to trust your gut – the part that says that you’re not excited by him, the part that says that something’s a little off. You’ll never know right off the bat if the guy who’s close with his family is a spineless mama’s boy, so give him a fair shake until he doesn’t deserve one. Just don’t expect your friends to tell you the truth until it’s over.
LINDA:
One of the things people asked me when they found out I was working on our book was an obvious, but intriguingly weird, question: Why would anybody listen to a single person’s thoughts about relationships? This was a question particularly directed to me by a couple of smug married people I met casually, who wouldn’t read a book like Why You’re Still Single anyway, didn’t know me, and believed that they were far more difficult to read than they actually were.
The thesis behind this question is that a single person, by definition, knows nothing about relationships, because if she did, she wouldn’t be single. It makes sense on the surface, right? But think about it this way: if success is defined as the ability to have a long-term relationship that doesn’t end for one reason or another, then every person starts every new relationship batting 0-for-whatever. All your relationships have ended. You haven’t made it work yet. Ergo, you know nothing.
This kind of thinking, if you embrace it, will sink you. You are asking yourself to enter your next relationship assuming you don’t know anything. In my experience, it’s not the things you genuinely don’t know that mess you up; it’s the things you won’t admit you know. It’s the things that are sitting right there ready to be noticed if you’re willing to pay attention to what’s already happened in your own life.
You’ve learned, for instance, that when people stop calling and they make you do all the work, that’s a bad sign. You’ve learned that picking at the scab of an old argument has never, ever, in the history of your relationships, made anything better. You’ve learned that nobody interesting is attracted to you when you act helpless. You’ve learned that showing off how damaged and needy you are will only attract drama.
So you have two choices. You can go on the theory that you don’t know anything. You’re single, after all. What do you know? Or you can listen to your own judgment and your own experience, and you can admit that you have, in whatever painful way, probably learned a lot.
Of course, the problem is the fact that not all your instincts should be obeyed. Lots of things — fear, overthinking, past hurts, external pressure — can throw them off. It’s not that you should act on every impulse that you have on the assumption that your accumulated wisdom will steer your impulses every time. The trick, I think, is how to tell the difference between an impulse and an instinct. I’d love to tell you that there’s a rule of thumb that will identify the difference between a gut feeling you must not ignore and one that you must overcome. From time to time, you’re going to guess wrong; there’s no way around it.
Consider the classic problem of what to take personally. Your boyfriend is busy at work, and he stops calling. On the one hand, your experience will tell you that signals that come in the form of people pulling back from you should not be ignored, and that reading the room is important. On the other hand, it may also tell you that you have some tendency to take things to heart that should not be taken as such. What do you do? It would be great if there were a bulletproof way to be right, but you’re going to have to draw a line. In this case, it’s a line that marks how much dropping out is too much before you freak out. The fact that you freaked out unnecessarily last time over not being called for two days doesn’t mean that you should let it go by if you don’t get a call for two weeks. In the same way, the fact that you feel like you missed the signs last time because your boyfriend avoided you for three weeks doesn’t mean that the first time he asks for a night alone, you should tell him you get it, tell him you understand, wish him well, and rush right over to pick up the DVD you left at his apartment so that the two of you never have to speak again.
What you have to do is read the signs — all the signs, good and bad, and do the best you can. You know things, and it’s when you can feel yourself straining to ignore one of those things you know that you’re going to get yourself in trouble. What do you, a single person, know about relationships? Probably more than you think.
Copyright © 2006 Evan Marc Katz and Linda Holmes
EVAN MARK KATZ is the founder of E-Cyrano.com, an online dating consulting service that partners with JDate and other dating sites. He has been featured on CNN, Fox, NPR, and the Today Show, and, yes, he is, in fact, single and living in Los Angeles.
LINDA HOLMES writes as “Miss Alli” for Television Without Pity and is a frequent contributor to MSNBC.com. She lives in Minneapolis.
Visit www.whyyourestillsingle.com for more information.
Friend Or Lover But Not Both
Terry Leslie asked:
We have all seen the movies and all silently thought to ourselves that it was about time she woke up. You know the one that the guy hangs around the girl he’s in love with in the hopes that their friendship will turn into something more.
She ignored him throughout three quarters of the movie and then when her heart is broken over some jerk she runs back to her best friend and changes the dynamics of the relationship. Yeah, it was about time she woke up. But what about him? How long did he hang around, waiting for her to notice him?
Real life doesn’t play out like that. Real life isn’t written by someone with commercial interests and thus real life is more likely to slap you with some pretty interesting alternatives. Hanging through the long winded complaints about how wrong he has treated her and watching her endlessly return to him can be frustrating at best. Why are you doing it? You aren’t all that likely to get the goodies by being a faithful companion. If that’s what she needs, then she needs a dog, not you.
There are plenty of guys who literally place their lives on hold for years while the woman they want passes them over time and time again, appreciating their friendship but never really looking at them as potential for anything more. When a woman first meets a guy she does instinctively know within the first minute or two which category she is filing him into. If you end up filed away in the friendship file, forget it, as you will be stuck there forever.
Moving on is not always easy, especially if you have been secretly pining over a woman for years. First of all, stop the secrecy. If you are interested in being more than that handy friend that picks up the pieces and cleans up the messes, then just be up front about it. If she goes into the routine of how much she loves you, as a friend and nothing more then why on earth are you hanging around.
Do you really believe that she will one day wake up and realize that she needs you or are you delusional when it comes to the power you think you have. How exactly are you going to make her want you?
There really is nothing wrong with maintaining friendships with the opposite *** if that is something that you want. However, when and if you start harboring feelings for her and you keep it a secret, you are not really being fair to either one of you. First of all, she is going to treat you differently than she would treat someone she was sexually or romantically interested in.
She is going to unknowingly send you signals that you are going to mistake as interest, because that is what you want to believe. She is going to let her guard down, which means she is going to end up feeling betrayed. The situation is only going to go downhill from there. After all, she really believes that you are her friend.
Confessing to a ‘friend’ that you are developing an attraction is a risk, but ‘man’ and get it over with. The longer you wait, the longer you are putting your life on hold, the longer you are being in-genuine with you and her, and the longer you are developing sexual fantasies that are less likely to come true the longer you wait.
If she isn’t interested in you, and you hang around being her faithful little pet, the more likely it is that you will find yourself being used. You will become her handy man, her shoulder to cry on, possibly her loan department, and in some cases, her rebound *** hound that comes when he is called and goes away when he is told.
Why demean yourself like that when there are plenty of women out there who can recognize that you are all you’re cracked up to be and would be happy to make you happy?
Women have a way of knowing when they have the upper hand and many of them aren’t afraid to use it. This leaves a guy hurting pretty bad when he finally wakes up to the realization that he has been used. You have the power to get out of those types of situations and you have the power to refuse to be manipulated like that. If you’re going to choose to play the game, you’re going to have to deal with the consequences. It’s really that simple.
So, how do you get yourself out of it? You have figured it out, you have confessed, and she has turned you down. So now where do you go? It’s really a function of simply moving on. Thank her, or not, for her friendship while it was good, tell her that you aren’t interested in being just friends and so you will have to remove yourself from the relationship.
She might think this is weak, but then she isn’t the one fighting off her emotions every time she’s around you. The sooner you get back on the horse, the better. Go out, talk to women, find someone to casually date or just hang out with the guys for awhile. But change the behaviors that kept you running back at her beck and call and move on accordingly. It might sting at first, but over time you will see how cool it is to break out of a one way relationship.
We have all seen the movies and all silently thought to ourselves that it was about time she woke up. You know the one that the guy hangs around the girl he’s in love with in the hopes that their friendship will turn into something more.
She ignored him throughout three quarters of the movie and then when her heart is broken over some jerk she runs back to her best friend and changes the dynamics of the relationship. Yeah, it was about time she woke up. But what about him? How long did he hang around, waiting for her to notice him?
Real life doesn’t play out like that. Real life isn’t written by someone with commercial interests and thus real life is more likely to slap you with some pretty interesting alternatives. Hanging through the long winded complaints about how wrong he has treated her and watching her endlessly return to him can be frustrating at best. Why are you doing it? You aren’t all that likely to get the goodies by being a faithful companion. If that’s what she needs, then she needs a dog, not you.
There are plenty of guys who literally place their lives on hold for years while the woman they want passes them over time and time again, appreciating their friendship but never really looking at them as potential for anything more. When a woman first meets a guy she does instinctively know within the first minute or two which category she is filing him into. If you end up filed away in the friendship file, forget it, as you will be stuck there forever.
Moving on is not always easy, especially if you have been secretly pining over a woman for years. First of all, stop the secrecy. If you are interested in being more than that handy friend that picks up the pieces and cleans up the messes, then just be up front about it. If she goes into the routine of how much she loves you, as a friend and nothing more then why on earth are you hanging around.
Do you really believe that she will one day wake up and realize that she needs you or are you delusional when it comes to the power you think you have. How exactly are you going to make her want you?
There really is nothing wrong with maintaining friendships with the opposite *** if that is something that you want. However, when and if you start harboring feelings for her and you keep it a secret, you are not really being fair to either one of you. First of all, she is going to treat you differently than she would treat someone she was sexually or romantically interested in.
She is going to unknowingly send you signals that you are going to mistake as interest, because that is what you want to believe. She is going to let her guard down, which means she is going to end up feeling betrayed. The situation is only going to go downhill from there. After all, she really believes that you are her friend.
Confessing to a ‘friend’ that you are developing an attraction is a risk, but ‘man’ and get it over with. The longer you wait, the longer you are putting your life on hold, the longer you are being in-genuine with you and her, and the longer you are developing sexual fantasies that are less likely to come true the longer you wait.
If she isn’t interested in you, and you hang around being her faithful little pet, the more likely it is that you will find yourself being used. You will become her handy man, her shoulder to cry on, possibly her loan department, and in some cases, her rebound *** hound that comes when he is called and goes away when he is told.
Why demean yourself like that when there are plenty of women out there who can recognize that you are all you’re cracked up to be and would be happy to make you happy?
Women have a way of knowing when they have the upper hand and many of them aren’t afraid to use it. This leaves a guy hurting pretty bad when he finally wakes up to the realization that he has been used. You have the power to get out of those types of situations and you have the power to refuse to be manipulated like that. If you’re going to choose to play the game, you’re going to have to deal with the consequences. It’s really that simple.
So, how do you get yourself out of it? You have figured it out, you have confessed, and she has turned you down. So now where do you go? It’s really a function of simply moving on. Thank her, or not, for her friendship while it was good, tell her that you aren’t interested in being just friends and so you will have to remove yourself from the relationship.
She might think this is weak, but then she isn’t the one fighting off her emotions every time she’s around you. The sooner you get back on the horse, the better. Go out, talk to women, find someone to casually date or just hang out with the guys for awhile. But change the behaviors that kept you running back at her beck and call and move on accordingly. It might sting at first, but over time you will see how cool it is to break out of a one way relationship.
What is Alpha Male Dating?
Jon Mercer asked:
You may think that once you’ve established yourself as an alpha male, dating will be simple and women will just flock to you everywhere you go. And while it is true that alpha personality types tend to attract more women, it’s also true that it takes time and patience to learn to adopt these mannerisms and behaviors. Lets take a look at some common mistakes men make when learning to project an alpha male image.
First of all, being arrogant or pushy does not make you an alpha. The alpha male does not need to compete with, bully or intimidate other guys. These behaviors just scream “insecurity,” and will make you look more like a desperate loser than an authentic alpha male.
Dating as an alpha male is not that dramatically different from any other dating. The core principle is the same; you need to look and act confident to win the girl, but even more importantly, you need to “feel” confident deep inside.
An insecure man feels the need to demonstrate his importance and superiority to other men. However, a truly confident man doesn’t need to demonstrate anything; he is the real alpha male. Dating is easier for him because his confidence in himself makes women have confidence in him too.
Alpha male dating is not really complicated. When a man feels good about himself and comfortable in his own company, other people will too. Other men will not usually try to challenge the alpha, because they are either just “wanna be” alpha males or real alpha males themselves.
Real alpha males don’t feel threatened by others and are therefore not likely to try to compete with you. Likewise, the “wanna bes” are usually insecure, and don’t have the courage to try to intimidate someone who is really confident. Like all other bullies, the “wanna be” alpha males will only pick on guys that are weaker than they are.
Women don’t choose men based on their ability to intimidate other men. Most women find it to extremely childish and off putting when a guy they are dating is acting like a jerk and treating other people with disrespect. This is one of the reasons why most women choose the alpha male. Dating is much more enjoyable because he is poised, relaxed and attentive. He is not out to show off his date to other men, but to have fun and enjoy his date’s company. He doesn’t spend the date rustling his feathers, or showing off, but rather concentrating on his date. He doesn’t care if the guy next to him has more money or better looks; the alpha male truly likes who he is and is not easily intimidated.
In our modern society, there is no one type of alpha male, there are many. Women don’t date these men primarily for their looks, power or money, but for the way these men make them feel. These men make the women they are with feel special, and comfortable; when a man lets down his guard and is just being himself, he allows the woman to do the same. They don’t need to jump through hoops or play silly games. He is out to get to know the women and to enjoy himself; that’s what alpha male dating is about.
You may think that once you’ve established yourself as an alpha male, dating will be simple and women will just flock to you everywhere you go. And while it is true that alpha personality types tend to attract more women, it’s also true that it takes time and patience to learn to adopt these mannerisms and behaviors. Lets take a look at some common mistakes men make when learning to project an alpha male image.
First of all, being arrogant or pushy does not make you an alpha. The alpha male does not need to compete with, bully or intimidate other guys. These behaviors just scream “insecurity,” and will make you look more like a desperate loser than an authentic alpha male.
Dating as an alpha male is not that dramatically different from any other dating. The core principle is the same; you need to look and act confident to win the girl, but even more importantly, you need to “feel” confident deep inside.
An insecure man feels the need to demonstrate his importance and superiority to other men. However, a truly confident man doesn’t need to demonstrate anything; he is the real alpha male. Dating is easier for him because his confidence in himself makes women have confidence in him too.
Alpha male dating is not really complicated. When a man feels good about himself and comfortable in his own company, other people will too. Other men will not usually try to challenge the alpha, because they are either just “wanna be” alpha males or real alpha males themselves.
Real alpha males don’t feel threatened by others and are therefore not likely to try to compete with you. Likewise, the “wanna bes” are usually insecure, and don’t have the courage to try to intimidate someone who is really confident. Like all other bullies, the “wanna be” alpha males will only pick on guys that are weaker than they are.
Women don’t choose men based on their ability to intimidate other men. Most women find it to extremely childish and off putting when a guy they are dating is acting like a jerk and treating other people with disrespect. This is one of the reasons why most women choose the alpha male. Dating is much more enjoyable because he is poised, relaxed and attentive. He is not out to show off his date to other men, but to have fun and enjoy his date’s company. He doesn’t spend the date rustling his feathers, or showing off, but rather concentrating on his date. He doesn’t care if the guy next to him has more money or better looks; the alpha male truly likes who he is and is not easily intimidated.
In our modern society, there is no one type of alpha male, there are many. Women don’t date these men primarily for their looks, power or money, but for the way these men make them feel. These men make the women they are with feel special, and comfortable; when a man lets down his guard and is just being himself, he allows the woman to do the same. They don’t need to jump through hoops or play silly games. He is out to get to know the women and to enjoy himself; that’s what alpha male dating is about.
Love Terrorists and the Commitment Phobe
Tigress Luv, The Breakup Guru asked:
The beginning of a relationship with a CP (commitment-phobic person) can be escalating (to say the least!) The CP chases you with such intense and total admiration that we begin to feel just so damned good about OURSELVES that we are actually floating on air! This euphoric stage sets the scene for the devastating ‘crash’ that is bound to happen.
Unfortunately, when we feel so euphoric by the actions of the CP in the ‘pursuing stage’ we tend to see the CP as Omni-important. The more power we give them, the harder we fall.
When we give the CP this power over us, we may react in two adverse ways when evidence of their commitmentphobia surfaces…
1. The CP pulls away or withdraws from us, making us ‘CRASH’: When the CP pulls away from us we become frantic, wondering what we did wrong. So, we try even harder to prove our worthiness in order to gain back their love and admiration.
2. We become the ‘enabler’: We make up excuses for the CP, live in denial, or take direct blame for their withdrawal from us. We do not hold the CP accountable for their actions, but instead we try to hide the reality of their actions from ourselves. We refuse to hear the CP when they tell us to ‘go away’, choosing, instead, to focus only on their ‘come here’ statements or actions. We make up excuses for the CPs behavior, absolving the CP from all responsibility!
We become addicted to our CPs. We are now CP Addicts.
The harder the CP Addict tries to recall, or recover, that ‘euphoric rush’ they experienced in the beginning stage of the relationship, the more likely they ‘fail’ and feel defeated. That’s because the more you go ‘after’ the CP, the more you will be rejected.
What happens next is what I call the ‘hook’; the CP does, from time to time, ‘relinquish’ (briefly) to us. The CP will let down their defenses and insinuate – either through words or actions – that they want to be with us. This, in turn, gives the CP Addict a ‘fix’ on their much sought after ‘euphoric rush’. They get their high. They feel good. Satiated. They soon learn that their relentless pursuit to ‘win back the CP’ (their drug) pays off. But, too, they learn very quickly that it only pays off for a little while. They feel that euphoric feeling of hitting a ‘mini jackpot’ – and believe that – if they only keep it up – the big ‘jackpot’ is just around the corner!
“The CP has a unique way of making you feel that ‘maybe’, ‘in the future’, ’somewhere down the road’ … which keeps you ‘hooked’ to him by hope and trapped by the possibility (‘maybe, if I’m just more patient, less demanding, a better woman, etc…’)”
THE HOOK REVISITED (are you a Love Terrorist?)
Nothing is more intriguing than having a ’cause’. And nothing is more addictive than having a cause that is also a HUGE challenge to succeed at. A challenge creates action. It is invigorating. Both of these aspects together are what keep us attached to the CP. The ’cause’ and the ‘challenge’.
It is the intrigue and the implied-promise of ‘winning over adversity’, and the ‘thrill of the chase’, that keeps us compelled to watch thrillers and action-packed movies. We sit on the edge of our seats, glued to our television sets or movie screens. The same rings true in our real lives, also. The intensity of the battle to ‘win’ brings an almost ****** sense of pleasure to our dull and drab ordinary lives.
Yes, we may say we want a quiet and peaceful life, but when things calm down and settle into a routine we go out of our minds with boredom. This isn’t what we wanted after all! We want thrills! We want action! We want to feel the adrenaline rush through our veins! We want to feel alive! We want to feel challenged! AND WE WANT TO WIN! What good is a challenge if we lose? Losing makes us feel defeated, less than, unworthy … not good enough. Failures. And who wants to be a failure that didn’t measure up? Nobody! Especially not you and I, right? We want to be winners. We want to be ‘better’. We want to save face and ego. We are poor-losers.
So we thrive on the ’cause’ and the ‘challenge’. We need ’cause’ and ‘challenge’ to prove ourselves good enough, strong enough, worthy enough. And we get so caught up sometimes in our cause that we can’t see the forest for the trees. We become so lost and so obsessed in the ’cause’ and the ‘challenge’, that we can’t see clearly. We lose sight of and can’t see anymore what the original purpose of our cause was. We feel so challenged that we have lost all of our rational judgment and now we simply exist to overcome, and conquer, the challenge.
We are ‘love terrorists’, and we will resort to any measure feasible to make our point.
We forget about ‘love’ – mistakenly assuming it is still there for it was there at the beginning of our cause, wasn’t it? Unbeknownst to us, though, is that over time the challenge has subtly taken over, masking itself as ‘love’. Could we possibly have been so caught up in the ‘challenge’ that we mistakenly thought the outcome we sought was still based on love, and not on winning our cause? Could the ‘love’ we once felt been subtly overshadowed by the task at hand (getting to commitment), until the challenge of reaching our goal of commitment actually replaced the love, and became the real reason for our cause? Could the original dream of being ‘hand-in-hand, happily ever after’ actually morphed into just a need to win the ‘getting to commitment’ battle?
I was a Love Terrorist. I battled my ‘ex’ for commitment. Big time! I resorted to Love Terrorism. I had to win my cause at all costs. And my cause was to gain back his love and get to commitment. Period. I mistakenly thought that his commitment to me would recapture the ‘high’ I felt in the pursuing stage of the relationship. After all, this man’s love for me was so intense in the beginning…
Tigress, the Love Terrorist…
….Gawd, how that man worshipped me! He called me every hour we were apart, and when we were together he sat there mesmerized by my being, staring adoringly at my face and holding my hand non-stop. I had to actually pull it away from him at times just to take a drink, or brush my hair off my face. He was absolutely ‘twitterpated’ by my presence. And I didn’t even like him at first (a common occurrence with us CP Addicts): he had to work very hard at getting me to warm up to him. But once he did, I was trapped. It felt so good to be loved so deeply … to be with someone who thought you were the most exquisite and perfect creature to ever grace this planet. I could do no wrong, and I relished in his attention and his adoration. Mmmmmmm, what a wonderful feeling to be so loved!
However, things started changing … slowly – so slowly and subtly that I wasn’t even aware of it. In the beginning this guy loved me so immensely and I had become so sure of and secure in that love that I didn’t even realize that it had changed – until I woke up one day and found myself on the ‘begging end of the relationship’. Begging for his time, his attention, his commitment, his love, his company. I was surprised at this revelation! When did all this occur? Where was I when all this came about? What the heck happened? What did I do to chase his love away?
And so…
….Let the battle begin…
….so in enters my little Acts of Love Terrorism. And my little Love Terrorist Plots. I was completely without awareness and direction, focusing only on my cause.
And battle I did. I became the perfect, ‘can’t-live-without’ woman: understanding, doting, and pleasing. And when that didn’t work I became demanding; whining; begging; threatening; sulky; intimidating – and I totally exposed every ugly inner-devil lurking below my seemingly normal exterior. I was horrible … I was horrible because I felt horrible! My self-esteem had crashed! What could I have done to turn this loving man away? This man who worshipped the very ground I walked on? I (falsely) assumed that, no matter what it was that I did, it must have been very horrific to turn a man who worshipped me into a man that couldn’t wait to get away from me. I thought that I most surely must be the biggest jerk on the Earth! I took total credit for his sudden rejection.
Spurred into action by the need to regain my Dashing Hunter, I (now the ex-Hunted) had become The Hunter!
And so continued my ‘battle’. The more I threatened, demanded, got in his face, and accused – the more he distanced himself from me. So, I tried other tactics. I went out to the bars and bragged to him incessantly about how many men came up to me, came on to me, or asked me to dance. I pointed out that other men wanted me, hoping he would feel threatened enough to commit to me before another stole me away from him, or (in the least) hoping he would sit up and take notice of how wonderful I was.
I tried the ‘I’d-make-a-perfect-wife’ thing, too. I cleaned the house to House and Garden centerfold perfection; I painstakingly applied cosmetics and styled my hair. I donned **** outfits and fixed the most scrumptious of meals. I did his laundry, his chores. I did the shopping. I paid the bills. I was PERFECT, PERFECT, PERFECT. Sick, huh?
But that was all part of my battle. See, I figured if the threats didn’t work, and trying to make him jealous was an absolute waste of time, I might just as well let him see how totally awesome I was. How perfect. What a great wife I would be. I smothered him with attention. I never, ever asked for anything in return, lest I scare him away by putting too many demands on him. I did it all. He did nothing. I was the relationship!
The only thing I didn’t think to do was the one thing that might have worked (for me) … release him back to himself and get back to living my life.
But, the point is, I became so lost – so caught up in ‘winning’ him, that I didn’t even realize until many months later that I wasn’t even in love with him anymore (if, indeed, I ever was!). In fact, he was an a**hole! However, I didn’t see that at the time because I was so consumed with the cause, and with the challenge to win him that the ‘here after’ part never even occurred to me.
Are you a Love Terrorist?
If so, trust that your life may be already predestined. Stop attempting to control fate and learn to appreciate, and relish in, the peace that comes with Letting Go and Letting Be.
By Tigress Luv, The Breakup Guru
The beginning of a relationship with a CP (commitment-phobic person) can be escalating (to say the least!) The CP chases you with such intense and total admiration that we begin to feel just so damned good about OURSELVES that we are actually floating on air! This euphoric stage sets the scene for the devastating ‘crash’ that is bound to happen.
Unfortunately, when we feel so euphoric by the actions of the CP in the ‘pursuing stage’ we tend to see the CP as Omni-important. The more power we give them, the harder we fall.
When we give the CP this power over us, we may react in two adverse ways when evidence of their commitmentphobia surfaces…
1. The CP pulls away or withdraws from us, making us ‘CRASH’: When the CP pulls away from us we become frantic, wondering what we did wrong. So, we try even harder to prove our worthiness in order to gain back their love and admiration.
2. We become the ‘enabler’: We make up excuses for the CP, live in denial, or take direct blame for their withdrawal from us. We do not hold the CP accountable for their actions, but instead we try to hide the reality of their actions from ourselves. We refuse to hear the CP when they tell us to ‘go away’, choosing, instead, to focus only on their ‘come here’ statements or actions. We make up excuses for the CPs behavior, absolving the CP from all responsibility!
We become addicted to our CPs. We are now CP Addicts.
The harder the CP Addict tries to recall, or recover, that ‘euphoric rush’ they experienced in the beginning stage of the relationship, the more likely they ‘fail’ and feel defeated. That’s because the more you go ‘after’ the CP, the more you will be rejected.
What happens next is what I call the ‘hook’; the CP does, from time to time, ‘relinquish’ (briefly) to us. The CP will let down their defenses and insinuate – either through words or actions – that they want to be with us. This, in turn, gives the CP Addict a ‘fix’ on their much sought after ‘euphoric rush’. They get their high. They feel good. Satiated. They soon learn that their relentless pursuit to ‘win back the CP’ (their drug) pays off. But, too, they learn very quickly that it only pays off for a little while. They feel that euphoric feeling of hitting a ‘mini jackpot’ – and believe that – if they only keep it up – the big ‘jackpot’ is just around the corner!
“The CP has a unique way of making you feel that ‘maybe’, ‘in the future’, ’somewhere down the road’ … which keeps you ‘hooked’ to him by hope and trapped by the possibility (‘maybe, if I’m just more patient, less demanding, a better woman, etc…’)”
THE HOOK REVISITED (are you a Love Terrorist?)
Nothing is more intriguing than having a ’cause’. And nothing is more addictive than having a cause that is also a HUGE challenge to succeed at. A challenge creates action. It is invigorating. Both of these aspects together are what keep us attached to the CP. The ’cause’ and the ‘challenge’.
It is the intrigue and the implied-promise of ‘winning over adversity’, and the ‘thrill of the chase’, that keeps us compelled to watch thrillers and action-packed movies. We sit on the edge of our seats, glued to our television sets or movie screens. The same rings true in our real lives, also. The intensity of the battle to ‘win’ brings an almost ****** sense of pleasure to our dull and drab ordinary lives.
Yes, we may say we want a quiet and peaceful life, but when things calm down and settle into a routine we go out of our minds with boredom. This isn’t what we wanted after all! We want thrills! We want action! We want to feel the adrenaline rush through our veins! We want to feel alive! We want to feel challenged! AND WE WANT TO WIN! What good is a challenge if we lose? Losing makes us feel defeated, less than, unworthy … not good enough. Failures. And who wants to be a failure that didn’t measure up? Nobody! Especially not you and I, right? We want to be winners. We want to be ‘better’. We want to save face and ego. We are poor-losers.
So we thrive on the ’cause’ and the ‘challenge’. We need ’cause’ and ‘challenge’ to prove ourselves good enough, strong enough, worthy enough. And we get so caught up sometimes in our cause that we can’t see the forest for the trees. We become so lost and so obsessed in the ’cause’ and the ‘challenge’, that we can’t see clearly. We lose sight of and can’t see anymore what the original purpose of our cause was. We feel so challenged that we have lost all of our rational judgment and now we simply exist to overcome, and conquer, the challenge.
We are ‘love terrorists’, and we will resort to any measure feasible to make our point.
We forget about ‘love’ – mistakenly assuming it is still there for it was there at the beginning of our cause, wasn’t it? Unbeknownst to us, though, is that over time the challenge has subtly taken over, masking itself as ‘love’. Could we possibly have been so caught up in the ‘challenge’ that we mistakenly thought the outcome we sought was still based on love, and not on winning our cause? Could the ‘love’ we once felt been subtly overshadowed by the task at hand (getting to commitment), until the challenge of reaching our goal of commitment actually replaced the love, and became the real reason for our cause? Could the original dream of being ‘hand-in-hand, happily ever after’ actually morphed into just a need to win the ‘getting to commitment’ battle?
I was a Love Terrorist. I battled my ‘ex’ for commitment. Big time! I resorted to Love Terrorism. I had to win my cause at all costs. And my cause was to gain back his love and get to commitment. Period. I mistakenly thought that his commitment to me would recapture the ‘high’ I felt in the pursuing stage of the relationship. After all, this man’s love for me was so intense in the beginning…
Tigress, the Love Terrorist…
….Gawd, how that man worshipped me! He called me every hour we were apart, and when we were together he sat there mesmerized by my being, staring adoringly at my face and holding my hand non-stop. I had to actually pull it away from him at times just to take a drink, or brush my hair off my face. He was absolutely ‘twitterpated’ by my presence. And I didn’t even like him at first (a common occurrence with us CP Addicts): he had to work very hard at getting me to warm up to him. But once he did, I was trapped. It felt so good to be loved so deeply … to be with someone who thought you were the most exquisite and perfect creature to ever grace this planet. I could do no wrong, and I relished in his attention and his adoration. Mmmmmmm, what a wonderful feeling to be so loved!
However, things started changing … slowly – so slowly and subtly that I wasn’t even aware of it. In the beginning this guy loved me so immensely and I had become so sure of and secure in that love that I didn’t even realize that it had changed – until I woke up one day and found myself on the ‘begging end of the relationship’. Begging for his time, his attention, his commitment, his love, his company. I was surprised at this revelation! When did all this occur? Where was I when all this came about? What the heck happened? What did I do to chase his love away?
And so…
….Let the battle begin…
….so in enters my little Acts of Love Terrorism. And my little Love Terrorist Plots. I was completely without awareness and direction, focusing only on my cause.
And battle I did. I became the perfect, ‘can’t-live-without’ woman: understanding, doting, and pleasing. And when that didn’t work I became demanding; whining; begging; threatening; sulky; intimidating – and I totally exposed every ugly inner-devil lurking below my seemingly normal exterior. I was horrible … I was horrible because I felt horrible! My self-esteem had crashed! What could I have done to turn this loving man away? This man who worshipped the very ground I walked on? I (falsely) assumed that, no matter what it was that I did, it must have been very horrific to turn a man who worshipped me into a man that couldn’t wait to get away from me. I thought that I most surely must be the biggest jerk on the Earth! I took total credit for his sudden rejection.
Spurred into action by the need to regain my Dashing Hunter, I (now the ex-Hunted) had become The Hunter!
And so continued my ‘battle’. The more I threatened, demanded, got in his face, and accused – the more he distanced himself from me. So, I tried other tactics. I went out to the bars and bragged to him incessantly about how many men came up to me, came on to me, or asked me to dance. I pointed out that other men wanted me, hoping he would feel threatened enough to commit to me before another stole me away from him, or (in the least) hoping he would sit up and take notice of how wonderful I was.
I tried the ‘I’d-make-a-perfect-wife’ thing, too. I cleaned the house to House and Garden centerfold perfection; I painstakingly applied cosmetics and styled my hair. I donned **** outfits and fixed the most scrumptious of meals. I did his laundry, his chores. I did the shopping. I paid the bills. I was PERFECT, PERFECT, PERFECT. Sick, huh?
But that was all part of my battle. See, I figured if the threats didn’t work, and trying to make him jealous was an absolute waste of time, I might just as well let him see how totally awesome I was. How perfect. What a great wife I would be. I smothered him with attention. I never, ever asked for anything in return, lest I scare him away by putting too many demands on him. I did it all. He did nothing. I was the relationship!
The only thing I didn’t think to do was the one thing that might have worked (for me) … release him back to himself and get back to living my life.
But, the point is, I became so lost – so caught up in ‘winning’ him, that I didn’t even realize until many months later that I wasn’t even in love with him anymore (if, indeed, I ever was!). In fact, he was an a**hole! However, I didn’t see that at the time because I was so consumed with the cause, and with the challenge to win him that the ‘here after’ part never even occurred to me.
Are you a Love Terrorist?
If so, trust that your life may be already predestined. Stop attempting to control fate and learn to appreciate, and relish in, the peace that comes with Letting Go and Letting Be.
By Tigress Luv, The Breakup Guru
Becoming a More Masculine Man
Alex Coulson asked:
As much as you hear about nonsense – like women want sensitive men the fact is they really want real men. That’s why chicks go for jerks and get their hearts broken, then keep going after the same type. Why?
They’re attracted to them. Duh!
You don’t see chicks fawning all over frickin’ limp wristed pansies. Chicks want real men. Here are a few tips to help you establish your identity and create your masculine image.
*Stop conforming to what you think women want in men; what each woman wants is uniquely different some want a adventurous guy, whereas others want a SNAG (sensitive new age guy) to agree with her feelings and do the washing up.
That was a joke! : ) but women don’t want a specific stereotype of guy. SO stop trying to fit into just one stereotype.
*Stop learning palm reading, handwriting analysis to attract women. Learning these JUST to attract women is lame and women will see through the façade.
It’ll do more harm than good. If you have a GENUINE interest in these areas or work in these fields then by all means, however if you work as an accountant and suddenly jump up and start reading her palm she’ll laugh at you.
*Start adopting some of the masculine traits men have, the traits our ancestors have used to attract women. DO you think your grandparents used palm reading on your grandmother? Or met her at a yoga class?
No chances are it didn’t go down like that. He used the sheer POWER of masculinity to attract her without any gimmicky banter lines or jargon.
Start acting like a MAN.
Don’t get the wrong idea here … the last thing I want you to do is walk outside pick a fight with some poor guy or start acting like a jerk to women.
There’s a fine line I want you to see…
Qualities such as aggressiveness, competitiveness, ambition and dominance are often associated with men being masculine whereas traits such as kindness, sympathy, and pity are regarded as feminine.
Right?
Well doesn’t this represent a bemused sense of values?
I always disliked aggressiveness and tendencies to dominate in anyone, man or woman; and I abandoned competitiveness in myself when I was young, shortly after finishing school.
Does this make me feminine?
If so let me ask the following questions: Aren’t the feminine personality traits morally and intellectually superior to the masculine ones?
If someone thinks that a man ought to be “manly” and have the masculine behavior traits such as aggressiveness, competitiveness, ambition, etc. then I think that person’s values are very confused and mixed up.
Women ultimately want STRONG men, men that are strong in character and believe in themselves and their ideals, men that are leaders and don’t look to others for guidance or validation.
You know why chicks like big, tall men? No, not necessarily because they think or care that those guys have big wangs. That’s mostly a result of we men being obsessed with it rather than women.
The real reason is that the #1 thing women crave is security. Women want to feel safe. Why do so many soccer moms drive SUVs that are more likely to roll over in an accident? They *feel* safer when they’re in them. If you make women feel at ease around you they will respond to you more than if you were FREAKING THEM OUT. But I digress.
You need to make a girl feel SAFE… STRONG – - > SAFE
Back to the big man thing, women subconsciously equate bigger, taller men with strength. So those men would be able to better protect them from other cavemen or sabertooth tigers or whatever hazards the world has to offer, and the women feel safer because of that.
Ever heard of a guy named Moby? Whatever he’s like as a person I don’t know. But his public image? He’s a WIMP. “But he probably gets lots of chicks”, you say. Don’t be like that, you’re not a star.
Be a man.
Alex
http://www.alexcoulson.com
As much as you hear about nonsense – like women want sensitive men the fact is they really want real men. That’s why chicks go for jerks and get their hearts broken, then keep going after the same type. Why?
They’re attracted to them. Duh!
You don’t see chicks fawning all over frickin’ limp wristed pansies. Chicks want real men. Here are a few tips to help you establish your identity and create your masculine image.
*Stop conforming to what you think women want in men; what each woman wants is uniquely different some want a adventurous guy, whereas others want a SNAG (sensitive new age guy) to agree with her feelings and do the washing up.
That was a joke! : ) but women don’t want a specific stereotype of guy. SO stop trying to fit into just one stereotype.
*Stop learning palm reading, handwriting analysis to attract women. Learning these JUST to attract women is lame and women will see through the façade.
It’ll do more harm than good. If you have a GENUINE interest in these areas or work in these fields then by all means, however if you work as an accountant and suddenly jump up and start reading her palm she’ll laugh at you.
*Start adopting some of the masculine traits men have, the traits our ancestors have used to attract women. DO you think your grandparents used palm reading on your grandmother? Or met her at a yoga class?
No chances are it didn’t go down like that. He used the sheer POWER of masculinity to attract her without any gimmicky banter lines or jargon.
Start acting like a MAN.
Don’t get the wrong idea here … the last thing I want you to do is walk outside pick a fight with some poor guy or start acting like a jerk to women.
There’s a fine line I want you to see…
Qualities such as aggressiveness, competitiveness, ambition and dominance are often associated with men being masculine whereas traits such as kindness, sympathy, and pity are regarded as feminine.
Right?
Well doesn’t this represent a bemused sense of values?
I always disliked aggressiveness and tendencies to dominate in anyone, man or woman; and I abandoned competitiveness in myself when I was young, shortly after finishing school.
Does this make me feminine?
If so let me ask the following questions: Aren’t the feminine personality traits morally and intellectually superior to the masculine ones?
If someone thinks that a man ought to be “manly” and have the masculine behavior traits such as aggressiveness, competitiveness, ambition, etc. then I think that person’s values are very confused and mixed up.
Women ultimately want STRONG men, men that are strong in character and believe in themselves and their ideals, men that are leaders and don’t look to others for guidance or validation.
You know why chicks like big, tall men? No, not necessarily because they think or care that those guys have big wangs. That’s mostly a result of we men being obsessed with it rather than women.
The real reason is that the #1 thing women crave is security. Women want to feel safe. Why do so many soccer moms drive SUVs that are more likely to roll over in an accident? They *feel* safer when they’re in them. If you make women feel at ease around you they will respond to you more than if you were FREAKING THEM OUT. But I digress.
You need to make a girl feel SAFE… STRONG – - > SAFE
Back to the big man thing, women subconsciously equate bigger, taller men with strength. So those men would be able to better protect them from other cavemen or sabertooth tigers or whatever hazards the world has to offer, and the women feel safer because of that.
Ever heard of a guy named Moby? Whatever he’s like as a person I don’t know. But his public image? He’s a WIMP. “But he probably gets lots of chicks”, you say. Don’t be like that, you’re not a star.
Be a man.
Alex
http://www.alexcoulson.com
Advice for Women Seeking Men: Search for Sensitive Love
Francis Githinji asked:
For a very long time the rugged men have stolen the scene at social gatherings. The calm and laid-back type of men get little or no attention and yet they offer the best form of sensitive love. The macho single men tend to overshadow the soft guys. They practically enjoy all the attention from popular girls and carries the trend on even after single hood. Women seeking men should know who among the two types of men they should bank their hopes on. The handsome dude will never fall short of attention and so he can never give a relationship the dedication it deserves. This is the reason as to why you and i know of at least one pair of mismatched partners.
There are several cases of strikingly beautiful and attractive women married or dating a plain not-worth-a-glance man. Many are left wondering what actually would have drawn the lady to the man. They might attribute it to the man’s fat bank account but it has nothing to do with that. It is the immense sensitive love that they give that make them a big catch for the more composed woman. As women grow older they have had it rough in the process of kissing many frogs disguised as princes. Women seeking men are very cautious to get the right type of love from single men. It is risky to peg your happiness on a neighborhood hunk who many girls have their eyes on.
Women seeking men nowadays are going for the soft, laid-back ordinary men in quest of sensitive love. Behind the ordinary facade of single men lies a real gentleman who knows how to treat a girl. Sensitive love is more thoughtful and patient. A person who is associated with it receives better companionship and love. It is common knowledge that the hand some bad boy is attractive to women of all age groups. His physical attributes attract them like magnet. The *** appeal and the arrogant swagger sends women’s heart beating at high rates. He is popular with women due to his readiness to pick up a fight because he has no time for none sense. Women seeking men might be tempted to condone such manners viewing it as a hope for security.
If you are among women seeking men, keep away from the perennial heart breaker. The handsome jerk will turn his back on you just when you need him most. He does not suffer from monopoly because women fight for his attention. He has a chain of women and so he is not among the single men who are ready to settle down. The laid back man offers a nice package of sensitive love topped up with soft humor, gentleness and thoughtfulness. He is a real gentleman who would rather walk away than argue aimlessly. This discourages any drama in his life. If your boyfriend basks in the attention of other women, do not even give him a chance in your life. You should be able to spot selfish love from far because the macho man is conspicuous from far. Dating him will be an obvious practice in futility. Settle for the soft not-so-conspicuous man.
For a very long time the rugged men have stolen the scene at social gatherings. The calm and laid-back type of men get little or no attention and yet they offer the best form of sensitive love. The macho single men tend to overshadow the soft guys. They practically enjoy all the attention from popular girls and carries the trend on even after single hood. Women seeking men should know who among the two types of men they should bank their hopes on. The handsome dude will never fall short of attention and so he can never give a relationship the dedication it deserves. This is the reason as to why you and i know of at least one pair of mismatched partners.
There are several cases of strikingly beautiful and attractive women married or dating a plain not-worth-a-glance man. Many are left wondering what actually would have drawn the lady to the man. They might attribute it to the man’s fat bank account but it has nothing to do with that. It is the immense sensitive love that they give that make them a big catch for the more composed woman. As women grow older they have had it rough in the process of kissing many frogs disguised as princes. Women seeking men are very cautious to get the right type of love from single men. It is risky to peg your happiness on a neighborhood hunk who many girls have their eyes on.
Women seeking men nowadays are going for the soft, laid-back ordinary men in quest of sensitive love. Behind the ordinary facade of single men lies a real gentleman who knows how to treat a girl. Sensitive love is more thoughtful and patient. A person who is associated with it receives better companionship and love. It is common knowledge that the hand some bad boy is attractive to women of all age groups. His physical attributes attract them like magnet. The *** appeal and the arrogant swagger sends women’s heart beating at high rates. He is popular with women due to his readiness to pick up a fight because he has no time for none sense. Women seeking men might be tempted to condone such manners viewing it as a hope for security.
If you are among women seeking men, keep away from the perennial heart breaker. The handsome jerk will turn his back on you just when you need him most. He does not suffer from monopoly because women fight for his attention. He has a chain of women and so he is not among the single men who are ready to settle down. The laid back man offers a nice package of sensitive love topped up with soft humor, gentleness and thoughtfulness. He is a real gentleman who would rather walk away than argue aimlessly. This discourages any drama in his life. If your boyfriend basks in the attention of other women, do not even give him a chance in your life. You should be able to spot selfish love from far because the macho man is conspicuous from far. Dating him will be an obvious practice in futility. Settle for the soft not-so-conspicuous man.
Dating Tips
Rilwan B Motolani asked:
Confessions of Every Man’s “Dream Woman
According to Michael P. Johnson, professor of sociology at Penn State, there are three things that keep a person in a marriage: people want to stay, they feel they ought to stay, and/or they have to stay. This combination of personal, moral, and structural commitment serves to keep people in marriages.
Notice that commitment keeps people in marriage–not happiness. Dr. Ted Huston of the University of Texas Austin studied couples from courtship to marriage. His ten-year-plus study exploded many popular misconceptions about love. For example, he found that many recently wed couples did not experience newlywed bliss; in fact, couples whose marriages began with “Hollywood romance” intensity soon burned out. A couple expecting wedded bliss every day of their lives was actually more likely to divorce than a couple with a less exciting relationship, because they were more likely to consider divorce when those intense feelings subsided. Does that mean that less exciting, even lackluster relationships last? They do indeed, perhaps because they have less far to fall.
Research shows that unhappy periods in a marriage are not indicative of future unhappiness. In fact, one study showed that 86% of unhappily married couples who stayed with their marriage were happier five years later–three fifths of whom were “quite” or “very happy.”
According to the 2004 “State of Our Unions” report by the National Marriage Project, the percentage of married people 18 or older who said that their marriage was very happy has declined over the last quarter century, from about 69% in the mid 1970s to 64% for men and 60% for women today. That’s less than two-thirds of the married population who considers themselves very happy in their relationship. Clearly, you don’t have to be blissfully in love or very happy for your relationship to last. What do you need?
It’s not love and luck. It’s commitment and companionship. Commitment means that you have powerful personal, moral, and structural reasons to stay in the relationship. Companionship means that you and your partner form a unified team against whatever challenges life hands you. Team members may fight, disagree, and encounter stalemates, but they know that their happiness and satisfaction in life depends on the success of the team–not on their individual success.
When Marriage Fails … Who and How
Contrary to popular belief, it’s not men who seek divorce. It’s women, by an overwhelming majority. The reasons for this are varied. Part of it is the nature of divorce laws; another part is the fact that men tend to have more problems with marriage-destroying behaviors like alcoholism, affairs, and substance abuse, that cause their wives to seek separation.
Divorce is hard on everyone. The damage divorce causes to children is usually worse than the damage caused by living in a two-parent home with marital difficulties. This is contrary to the popular belief that children are better off if their parents divorce rather than live together. Studies show that only in a minority of high-conflict situations is this true.
After a divorce, a woman’s standard of living can be expected to drop while a man’s standard of living may actually improve. Yet men suffer in other ways. Divorced and separated men are two and a half times more likely to commit suicide than married men. This is partially due to the fact that men, unlike women, are less likely to have a strong support network to share their feelings. Whether due to this need for companionship or not, divorced men are more likely to remarry than divorced women, and they’re more likely to remarry sooner.
Who Has the Real Power in a Relationship
Regardless of whether you’re a man or a woman, whether you pay the bills or stay at home, or whether you need your spouse more than your spouse needs you, there is only one person in control of any relationship. That person has the power to turn a relationship around or run it into the ground. And that person usually never realizes how much power he/she wields until it is too late.
That person is you.
You have the choice to either react to the situation you’re in (by complaining about your marriage, allowing yourself to be swamped by negative emotions, or feeling out of control), or to take responsibility and choose your actions. Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “No one can hurt you without your consent.”
Even if you cannot change your partner’s behavior, you can choose how you respond to that behavior. You can internalize the blame, the hurt, and the criticism, or you can take responsibility for your own feelings and choose to act the way you want to feel.
Think again about that last concept. You should act the way you want to feel. If you want to feel more loving towards your spouse, act more loving. If you want to feel happier in your marriage, smile more and express gratitude for the good things in your marriage. It’s one of the strangest aspects of human psychology that the more you act the way you want to feel (thankful, peaceful, loving, affectionate, etc.) the more you will begin to feel that way.
Few people realize this. When a marriage begins to crumble, their first instinct is to act out their emotions. They feel hurt, so they lash out. They feel criticized, so they become defensive. They feel vulnerable, so they close up. These are reactions, not actions. Your feelings should NOT make you act in ways that you don’t want to.
You have the power to transform your marriage, even if your partner doesn’t want to. That’s because your behavior has an enormous influence on your partner, to the point that married people actually grow alike over time. We can’t help but pick up our partner’s moods, preferences, and ways of saying certain things. If you transform yourself–your attitude, the way you communicate, how often you show love and affection–your partner will be incapable of resisting. A happy, fulfilling relationship begins with you. And in the next part of this mini-course, I’ll show you how to start achieving it.
For an excellent resource and further information, visit Amy Waterman’s – Save My Marriage Today
Dating & Relationship Advice For Today’s Singles
Online
I’ve been giving free online dating advice because I have two objectives – to make sure you are successful with your online dating, and to make sure you stay safe. For starters, the best online services are nerve.
People
Most people get involved with their exes again, and live happily for a few months. While it used to be that successful matches made online, the ones where marriage resulted, were the things of headlines and tabloids, that’s not the case these days where more and more people are meeting online, forming fast friendships and then turning those connections romances that work.
Date
One of the most recurring mental blocks men face before they date is their eagerness to plunge into a deep, stable and unbreakable relationship. After all, this is your first date and the two of you are getting to know each other.
Person
Dating has often been called a “game” because each person is trying to figure out what the other person wants out of the relationship. There are sites for nearly every type of person and lifestyle out there and you will find at least one that suits you perfectly.
Yourself
- Calm yourself by telling yourself you’re excited, not nervous. In short, I’m talking about opening yourself up to a life that embraces Mr. What’s the point of spending money to join, spending time to write a profile, spending time answering a questionairre, only to eliminate yourself from 95% of those searching for you.
Relationship
In essence, courtship is a word that has been applied to describe the biblical basis for the relationship leading up to marriage. So needless to say, I did not listen to my husband, but thought because I had such an open relationship with my daughter and we had been talking about sex since she was 13 years old that she would never have sex…I was very, very wrong.
Love
Women love to laugh. And they are not as keen on actual jokes as men often are – they prefer spontaneous wit and they love to be gently teased. Women love charm, so long as it is natural, cool and unpretentious.
Meet
Your friends start trying to fix you up and you begin to consider going out to meet new people… of the opposite sex. Online dating and personals sites are great ways to meet a variety of people all over the world, but with such convenience it’s easy to lose control.
Single
Women often grumble about the inventory of single men saying, “There are no good men available. I spoke with eight single men in their 40’s who are members of a local dating service. What percentage of single people find bars and dance clubs a useful way to meet other single people.
Internet
If you ever plan on actually meeting people in person from Internet dating services, then be honest. Online Dating is drawing more and more people to the Internet in search of love, but the abundance of dating sites can be confusing for many.
Friends
Women tend to be more person-centred than men are – they love to have lots of friends – and you should have some women as friends for that reason: they will introduce you to their women friends. It involves the initial contact, the getting to know you, the first meeting, the second and subsequent dates, the first kiss, the first moment of true intimacy, sharing hopes and dreams, introducing friends and family, daily contact, blah, blah, blah.
Services
To-date websites offering dating services whether for the same cultural individuals or not, can be found scattered on the web. The concept of dating services is nothing new; it has a history of its own. Their services remain limited to the circulation of the paper.
Singles
You will find regular Speed Dating events in most major cities up and down these countries, and most singles usually go back for more. With so many singles still afraid to try online dating chances are they could end up staying single.
Dates
Gay males and females can find a plenty of options for dates on these sites. Not only will individuals be able to save some money this way; but they would also be able to impress their dates by including some of their favorite foods in the picnic basket.
Profile
This means you pay to view profiles and to have your profile matched with potential dates. I placed my profile on several sites and surveyed the marketplace. Never include your last name, home address, phone number, place of employment, email address or any other identifying information in your profile or initial messages.
Success
With each ticking second your anticipation grew as you weighed the odds of success versus the usually greater odds of rejection and the added embarrassment of looking like a jerk. Let me tell you how you can get big success on your first date itself.
Questions
Sometimes when I read some questions posted by people on dating on forums, I find curious phenomena. Ask simple questions that will help uncover a person’s passions. Thinking about the answers to these questions and concerns, I came up with a well-received presentation, which I’ll highlight here:
Conversation
The sum of the conversation is that “Christian Dating” is a territory that needs more attention simply because of the secularist ideas of dating that seem to market self- serving motives.
Successful
” Many of these sites boast of thousands of successful matches made in heaven and just as many marriages. If you are considering online dating, there are a few tips that can help make the experience a more enjoyable and successful one.
Speed
New research shows that singletons are flocking to speed dating events across the globe in their quest to find Mr or Ms right. Thinking about trying this new speed dating craze. The course and speed of the game is decided by her.
Message
But what most people don’t realise is that only around 10% of dating site members actually meet a long-term partner on their chosen site and a whopping 70% don’t even receive one message from another member. It’s quick to join them, it’s easy to message someone and because you know they are ‘looking’, you are speaking to someone that you already know is available.
Dating & Relationship Advice To Start You Off
Online
You will always here scaremonger stories of how it isn’t safe, and too many online dating services have fake profiles. Singles all over the world are looking for other avenues to find love, and with our online dating tips, you will be one step closer to meeting your future partner and possible soul mate.
People
Many people fall in love in the beginning because they found the shape of nose to be very cute or the laughter very attractive. This is usually what people see first. In my work as a Marriage and Family Therapist most of my practice has been working with couples, because after experiencing divorce growing up as a child, and again after a ten year first marriage, I decided that my mission is to help people have successful marriages and families, and I thought the best way to do that would be as a marriage counselor.
Date
I am very attracted to a man at work and would like to go out on a date with him. ‘Right,’ my date replied. One bad date does not define who you are.
On the first date be a little cautious about the questions you answer.
Person
It is in man’s nature to find his or her partner in life; unless of course the person has made a commitment to the “Single for Life Club”. The purpose of flirtation is to interest another person in you, so showing them what’s great about you is the way to go.
Yourself
Believing you need to make yourself more appealing to attract a partner. – Calm yourself by telling yourself you’re excited, not nervous. In short, I’m talking about opening yourself up to a life that embraces Mr.
What’s the point of spending money to join, spending time to write a profile, spending time answering a questionairre, only to eliminate yourself from 95% of those searching for you.
Relationship
In essence, courtship is a word that has been applied to describe the biblical basis for the relationship leading up to marriage. So needless to say, I did not listen to my husband, but thought because I had such an open relationship with my daughter and we had been talking about sex since she was 13 years old that she would never have sex…I was very, very wrong.
Meet
The advice that I will be offering you is simple and common sense tips that many singles should already know, or after reading this article, should understand what it takes to meet someone special online. Instead, meet in a public place during daylight hours.
Love
So why not pretend to be one of those experts, and tell them things they love to hear. Women love to hear this, from as many people as possible. Come to think of it, all of us as humans love to live in our own comfort zones.
Single
First Corinthians 7 instructs that single brothers and sisters be permitted to marry. I have one friend who was so jaded with regard to relationships and dating, that she had been single for about 3 years. What do single mothers do about dating when they have children at home?
Internet
Hooking up via the Internet is a common trend these days. An internet dating site with millions of members may sound great, but if only three members live anywhere within 1,000 miles of you, it might not be a good fit.
Services
Well, in the next few minutes you will read a comparison between online and offline US dating services and the writers’ opinion on the best dating services. Yet, there are certain services I would prefer paying for. In the huge pool of internet dating services, there are very decent dating sites with tens of thousands of members rather than millions of profiles, giving much better services than bigger dating sites, who are only concerned with their marketing campaign and their sales.
Friends
These are the friends I know for many years, and to me they seem like the type of people that any men or women would desire and be happy to meet, and date; the typical situation is going on numerous, endless blind and non-blind dates, and getting disappointed and many times crushed.
Singles
Before you attend the next singles event or share emails with someone on Match. Busy legitimate singles with limited time can readily meet other singles with similar interests for friendship, dating, or commitment purposes while online. Date up to twenty enthusiastic singles in one evening of whirlwind dating.
Dates
The perky hostess sympathized, saying that she knew of one successful man who had a rule for the women he dates: Half his age plus seven years. To be able to pick and choose and go through dates like they were calendar pages to be tossed away with each passing day.
Profile
If you have decided to find yourself an ideal partner through online dating sites then making a great profile is one of the first steps to achieve that. How to make your online Profile seductive and what to look for in other people profile to know if they are your type or not.
Success
They don’t think about getting success on the first date. Let me tell you how you can get big success on your first date itself. Yet don’t sabotage your success of possibly getting a yes by having an inner tendency to expect rejection.
Conversation
Confidence, self-perception, and the ability to hold a conversation and make a woman feel comfortable are all-important elements to succeeding with and attracting women. This didn’t require deep and complicated conversation but rather open honest words spoken in love and sincerity revealing the person.
Questions
Ask them questions about what they think about just before talking to a woman. You might like to ask questions like:. That means learning to listen – and to show you are listening by asking appropriate questions and using the right body language.
Speed
New research shows that singletons are flocking to speed dating events across the globe in their quest to find Mr or Ms right. Thinking about trying this new speed dating craze. The course and speed of the game is decided by her.
Successful
” Many of these sites boast of thousands of successful matches made in heaven and just as many marriages. Exuding the alpha male confidence is the first step in successful interactions with women, it’s very simple and isn’t a silly dating game.
Tips On Body Language for Successful Flirting
Male and female courtship signals have been studied, and the basic conclusions are that these signals are completely unconscious. The more you consciously understand the signals, the better and more successful you will be when courting the object of your desire, whether it is the man or woman of your dreams.
To master the art of successful flirting, you have to feel good about yourself first. Be confident. Be yourself, or else you will look deceitful or desperate. Flirting can be utilized in just about anything, not just in attracting the opposite sex, but also in attaining just about anything you want in your life. This can be described as good flirting. Good flirting should be done with a precise understanding of what you really want, coupled with positive sensations.
Here are their tips on how you can put good flirting to your advantage:
1. Don’t worry about whether you are making a good impression or not. Instead, analyze how you can make the other person feel good. By doing this, you will get the feedback you are expecting. Soon you will make the connection.
2. Flirting can help you make friends or impress a client if you make yourself approachable. Put a smile on your face, as it gives you an aura of being friendly.
3. Remember that you cannot attract people just by sitting or standing like a statue. There will be instances when you will encounter a person who gets a little bit too close for comfort feel, or someone who makes you feel you are already invading privacy. No matter what you do, you would get a so-called “vacuum” reaction. Tough one, huh? You can avoid this by using gentle moves and by calibrating the person’s reactions to you. Be aware of these signals: mouths get larger, the lips swell, eyes widen, pupils dilate, skin flushes and changes color, muscles around the mouth move, among others.
4. Be persistent. Flirting works best when you are patient. By being such, you will have room for improvement if at first you aren’t getting the results you want. If you fail the first time, do it again the second time, third time, just keep trying. Try different approaches until you realize what will really work best for you. If you were rejected, don’t give up. This goes with the sayings, “To err is human” and “Nobody’s perfect.”
5. This is probably for me the most interesting and somehow funniest tip I got: “Practice in the mirror, only then can you make it perfect!” This is especially true in meeting friends and prospects, because flirting may involve unwanted actions and attention which can put you in the bad light. You may be spontaneous in your actions, but you can’t guard yourself if you are already overdoing it, and I supposed you don’t want to be in that situation. Try practicing with your close friends and ask for feedback.
6. Make the first move! Opportunities knock only once, so if you want something or even someone, go for it, now! Let go of your inhibitions. But remember to apply positive or good flirting. Who knows if the person you meet at that moment is your gateway towards the fulfillment of your dreams.
Let Your Body Language Do The Flirting
Do you know why some people seem to have an easier time attracting the opposite sex? Here’s what you can to do in order to catch the eye of your Honey Bunch.
1. Smile sincerely and frequently. In his article “The Six Don Juan Commandments of Body Language,” Allen Thompson wrote that smiling is “The simplest, most obvious, and most powerful of the body language commandments.” He also mentions that “Smiling conveys, both instantly and clearly, many wonderful things about yourself. Smiling demonstrates confidence, friendliness, a positive attitude, a good mood, and it gives the impression that you’re someone who is, most likely, fun to be with. It’s also very difficult to ignore.”
2. Have a sense of humor. Learn to laugh at petty matters. People love to be with those who can turn any situation into a funny setting.
3. Maintain eye contact. Your eyes are probably the most expressive parts of your body. When you look at your dear one constantly, you are expressing your sincere intentions. Eye contact also establishes a bond between two persons. They would naturally feel more comfortable in each other’s company.
4. Nod your head. By nodding, you signify your approval and you encourage the other party to continue talking. You give reassurance that your loved one is doing ok.
5. Be open, physically. Do not cross your arms across the chest or hold obstructive objects (such as a food) between the two of you. Put your hands on your sides (and if possible put your palms up) to convey openness.
Fathers should be honored
Now adays fathers are not honored. The good fathers take a bad rap from the bad fathers. The truth is there is alot of hard working, caring and loving fathers out there. We should celebrate father’s day like we celebrate mother’s day.
Make father’s days a special day. Take him out to a baseball game, to a movie. Get him a unique gift. Something that shows he is special. Not just a father’s day card with just a signature.
Let’s not forget about our fathers. They also have to be reminded that they are doing a great job. Fathers are not perfect they also make mistakes. So if he needs to be forgiven, forgive him. What a great father’s day present that would be.
3 Questions To Ask Yourself If You’re Ready To Live Your Dream
One thing potential entrepreneurs continuously ask me is what should I be doing to get started? Should I be researching business ideas? Should I be writing a business plan? Where can I go to get inspiration on a business?
Where I would start is by asking yourself three questions. Now, If I were to ask you these three questions in person, I would ONLY share them with you if you promised to take action. Because if there was any ONE thing that I see lacking with most people who think they want to become wealthy and those who know that they are going to be and that is ACTION.
Here are the three questions you MUST ask yourself in order to make independence your own reality.
1. Are you serious about REALLY living your dream?
2. Are you on the right track to get where you want to be?
3. What can you do today get yourself closer to your dream?
That’s it? You mean that’s all you’re going to give me Benny? C’mon – there has got to be some super-secret recipe that you can tell me that will start me on my way, some ONE thing that will lead me on my path to millions?
One thing that I’ve also learned is that my path is completely different than anybody else’s. I tried to do things exactly as others before had done, and it just doesn’t work. Now, there are some similar things that have been done before and will surely work. But what you want and what somebody else wants are two completely different things. That is why you won’t hear me telling you how to do things.
I learned some time ago that this thing called your “Why” is what gets you going NOT the “How”. There are a ton of books by these so-called gurus that will tell you how to trade stocks, or show you how they made millions by doing an infomercial. I love learning how they did it, but it might not necessarily be for me.
Alright, I hear you out there. Please show me something! Do you really want to make a million dollars or more? Do you want to know a business that will, if you are serious, take time to educate yourself and make smart business moves, you can become successful? Okay, it’s Real Estate. It is time-tested and proven and I have several friends who are worth millions because of real estate.
Tell me , what’s your HONEST reaction? Was it something like “No kidding, I’m doing that already.” , “Oh, I could never fix toilets at 2:00 AM”, “Should I flip houses, buy and rent?” or was is “Real Estate – nah too hard.” The truth is real estate has created thousands of millonaires especially over the last 30 years, and personally, I’ve dipped my toe in it, but it doesn’t excite me. So for many people who are interested in real estate as their passion – this works! For me, I’ll probably buy some more real estate, because I know how to, but it won’t be my primary focus. How about you?
Now go back to the three questions above, it is so easy to glance over the questions, but here’s how you do it. Read question number one. “Are you serious about REALLY living your dream?” What is your life like today? Comfortable? Easy? Predictable? For many, the corporate culture creates an environment of “Just below acceptable”. You do a job that isn’t too hard. You make enough to enjoy life. You have a house, a car or two, take a vacation or two a year and that works. After all, everybody else is in the same boat right? So if you ask the question, are you serious? Many people will just say – NO. Because their lives are fine right now. Because of that fact, you can’t move forward – you’re not ready to go on. So while question number one may seem simplistic, it is the hardest question for MOST people to HONESTLY answer yes to.
Three simple questions. Three honest answers. That’s all it takes to get you started.
Learning How to Let Go
As a self styled phenomenologist I like to break things down to their smallest part. In my day job I also have a natural desire and policy to do less and earn more.
I semi retired seven years ago at the age of 52. I owned a very successful business and was working seven days a week and a short day was 10 hours. I had enough, and lost interest in the business. I closed it down and took a year and a half off.
During this time I set out on my journey of spiritual awareness, and I starting reading books and writing articles. I took on a day job to supplement my savings and income.
My career as a salesman allowed me lots of freedoms to do my writing and manage my web site that was growing bigger and more popular every day. The current writing and web site management take up a lot of my time. For the last five and a half years I have considered my writing and web site as my work and my day job as my paying hobby.
In our sales meetings and in one-on-one meetings with the owner, he has said that any salesman who is not on the job to make money first shouldn’t be in a sales job. He and I have had head to head combat with this philosophy. Although he may be correct in his opinion, he is plainly expressing a limited philosophy in my view. He simply does not understand my philosophy about my job and why I am there.
My present philosophy is really very simple, and is just the different path I like it. My response to his constant question about why I am there is multifold.
I need the divergence so I don’t die in front of my computer, and getting off my butt is a good thing. I need inspiration and an alternate environment-I am on the road four hours a day and in four to six homes five days a week. I am by nature very reclusive and shy, and I go out of my way to avoid people. However in my work, I am just the opposite. People don’t believe me when I tell them how introverted I am. The job provides me the chance to interact with people on their level and in the comfort of their homes. It is the connection I need with others.
Because I specialize in the study of manifesting, my job has given me great opportunity to consider how it works virtually. Over the years I have modified my selling approach many times to try and achieve and maintain my position on the job. I have been a trainer and a supervisor. I have been at the bottom and the top, and I have never been one to remain content with the status quo or to remain in the same position.
The job is a buffet of opportunities for me to write about my experiences and the different individuals I work with. I have run the gammed of emotions on the job. I have been given other opportunities to help and I seldom turn them down when asked.
It is the perfect job for me-not for the money-but for all the other opportunities it brings to me. I have discovered a gold mine, and have gained great insight into how to manifest what I desire.
Finally after nearly six years on the job, I have adapted a philosophy and have made a great discovery about my favourite subject.
The owner and I have made a straightforward agreement about the percentage that he will pay me. I have no issues with that. He has guaranteed me four qualified leads a day and sometimes as many as six. We also agreed I could have more if I wanted them. Between the leads that are generated by the telemarketers, I also receive referrals and office leads (customers who have phoned in).
My job definition is quite very simple-just sell. My new approach as to how I maintain my job and give the boss what he wants is even simpler. I do as little as possible.
I believe if I do my job effectively, I will have all that I desire from it and the bonus reward will be a paycheck that will reflect my initiative. My focus now, as it was in the outset, is not about the money. The money will come when the job is done. I learned over the years to stop counting the money or worrying about how much I have sold and how close I am to getting bonuses and duly achieving my targets. I try not to think about cancellations, break-downs and human error. My new thoughts are-just do the job-the money will come.
I have been able to demonstrate this philosophy and it is working. I am doing less and the money is getting better. I am not trying to control the current situation any longer-in fact I try to forget about the situation and give it little thought. I still have to catch myself periodically from counting or watching over my numbers. Things are happening in my job of which I have no jurisdiction over that is making my job easier.
We are now in the off season for our products and services. The telemarketers are having difficulty supplying the salespeople with leads and we are sitting on the side of the road for hours-waiting. I am now making more money and doing less. I am making money by just sitting on the side of the road waiting for leads.
Because there are now fewer leads, the office manager is phoning previous customers and booking my calls from an old database. The closing rate on these leads is about 85% as apposed to a closing rate of about 50% on the cold calls. He is working harder and I am sitting on the side of the road for most of my shift and earning more money. I have no conscious control over these events. However, at a subconscious level I am participating in the manifesting of them.
I was asked this week not to come into the sales meetings in the morning. I have always been apposed to them as I don’t see them as informative or motivating. When I first started we had a meeting every day. I made so much noise over the years; I got them down to twice a week. Now I don’t have to go in at all. Yesterday I was given the choice to come in or not-it has now become my choice-I think once a week is perfect.
I love this job, it is now working for me, and I am not working for it. I started off working 6 hours a day, six days a week. I am now working four hours a day and five days a week. All the opportunities are there for me-they just keep coming.
There is only one thing I have to do, and that is sell. The job, the money and all the others things I cherish about the job will take care of themselves. They will not, only when I try to control them. As far as the money goes, I have a clear desire about what I require to receive at the close of the pay period. Between the beginning of the pay period and the end of it, I will do little to try and control how I get it.
My philosophy is working-the boss gets what he wants in the end, and so do I. It’s the perfect marriage. This article, hundreds more, and my books are all an outcome of this philosophy. It has been the greatest gift from my job. It is worth much more than the money I am earning.
My success is manifested by a desire and my own unique perspective. This philosophy may not work for others. There are some who would completely disagree with what I have written, and yet I am living proof that it has worked.
We are all great manifesters, few of us realize it, and once we try to understand the process our thoughts often get in the way of how it should work. We trip over our own feet. Keep it simple-do your job and take advantage of the opportunities which you are drawing to yourself.
If I was really wise, I would stop writing about these things. Just the very act of writing about it, changes it. Being true to my nature I must look deeper and by doing so, I am going to stick my foot in my mouth. However, this is going to create another opportunity for another article.
By doing less in my job and earning more, I have created the opportunity to do more with my writing and that is what I enjoy the most. I have also become more aware of opportunities and choices.
It is important to understand that by doing less, I don’t mean being irresponsible. I simply mean if you take full responsibility for your job and know the results of your work, it will bring you what you desire-you will work less and earn more.
If you try to maintain control of the steps to your goal-you will eventually lose site of it. If you let go, the probable opportunities will come to you, and then it is simply about making good choices.
Confessions of Every Man’s “Dream Woman
According to Michael P. Johnson, professor of sociology at Penn State, there are three things that keep a person in a marriage: people want to stay, they feel they ought to stay, and/or they have to stay. This combination of personal, moral, and structural commitment serves to keep people in marriages.
Notice that commitment keeps people in marriage–not happiness. Dr. Ted Huston of the University of Texas Austin studied couples from courtship to marriage. His ten-year-plus study exploded many popular misconceptions about love. For example, he found that many recently wed couples did not experience newlywed bliss; in fact, couples whose marriages began with “Hollywood romance” intensity soon burned out. A couple expecting wedded bliss every day of their lives was actually more likely to divorce than a couple with a less exciting relationship, because they were more likely to consider divorce when those intense feelings subsided. Does that mean that less exciting, even lackluster relationships last? They do indeed, perhaps because they have less far to fall.
Research shows that unhappy periods in a marriage are not indicative of future unhappiness. In fact, one study showed that 86% of unhappily married couples who stayed with their marriage were happier five years later–three fifths of whom were “quite” or “very happy.”
According to the 2004 “State of Our Unions” report by the National Marriage Project, the percentage of married people 18 or older who said that their marriage was very happy has declined over the last quarter century, from about 69% in the mid 1970s to 64% for men and 60% for women today. That’s less than two-thirds of the married population who considers themselves very happy in their relationship. Clearly, you don’t have to be blissfully in love or very happy for your relationship to last. What do you need?
It’s not love and luck. It’s commitment and companionship. Commitment means that you have powerful personal, moral, and structural reasons to stay in the relationship. Companionship means that you and your partner form a unified team against whatever challenges life hands you. Team members may fight, disagree, and encounter stalemates, but they know that their happiness and satisfaction in life depends on the success of the team–not on their individual success.
When Marriage Fails … Who and How
Contrary to popular belief, it’s not men who seek divorce. It’s women, by an overwhelming majority. The reasons for this are varied. Part of it is the nature of divorce laws; another part is the fact that men tend to have more problems with marriage-destroying behaviors like alcoholism, affairs, and substance abuse, that cause their wives to seek separation.
Divorce is hard on everyone. The damage divorce causes to children is usually worse than the damage caused by living in a two-parent home with marital difficulties. This is contrary to the popular belief that children are better off if their parents divorce rather than live together. Studies show that only in a minority of high-conflict situations is this true.
After a divorce, a woman’s standard of living can be expected to drop while a man’s standard of living may actually improve. Yet men suffer in other ways. Divorced and separated men are two and a half times more likely to commit suicide than married men. This is partially due to the fact that men, unlike women, are less likely to have a strong support network to share their feelings. Whether due to this need for companionship or not, divorced men are more likely to remarry than divorced women, and they’re more likely to remarry sooner.
Who Has the Real Power in a Relationship
Regardless of whether you’re a man or a woman, whether you pay the bills or stay at home, or whether you need your spouse more than your spouse needs you, there is only one person in control of any relationship. That person has the power to turn a relationship around or run it into the ground. And that person usually never realizes how much power he/she wields until it is too late.
That person is you.
You have the choice to either react to the situation you’re in (by complaining about your marriage, allowing yourself to be swamped by negative emotions, or feeling out of control), or to take responsibility and choose your actions. Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “No one can hurt you without your consent.”
Even if you cannot change your partner’s behavior, you can choose how you respond to that behavior. You can internalize the blame, the hurt, and the criticism, or you can take responsibility for your own feelings and choose to act the way you want to feel.
Think again about that last concept. You should act the way you want to feel. If you want to feel more loving towards your spouse, act more loving. If you want to feel happier in your marriage, smile more and express gratitude for the good things in your marriage. It’s one of the strangest aspects of human psychology that the more you act the way you want to feel (thankful, peaceful, loving, affectionate, etc.) the more you will begin to feel that way.
Few people realize this. When a marriage begins to crumble, their first instinct is to act out their emotions. They feel hurt, so they lash out. They feel criticized, so they become defensive. They feel vulnerable, so they close up. These are reactions, not actions. Your feelings should NOT make you act in ways that you don’t want to.
You have the power to transform your marriage, even if your partner doesn’t want to. That’s because your behavior has an enormous influence on your partner, to the point that married people actually grow alike over time. We can’t help but pick up our partner’s moods, preferences, and ways of saying certain things. If you transform yourself–your attitude, the way you communicate, how often you show love and affection–your partner will be incapable of resisting. A happy, fulfilling relationship begins with you. And in the next part of this mini-course, I’ll show you how to start achieving it.
For an excellent resource and further information, visit Amy Waterman’s – Save My Marriage Today
Dating & Relationship Advice For Today’s Singles
Online
I’ve been giving free online dating advice because I have two objectives – to make sure you are successful with your online dating, and to make sure you stay safe. For starters, the best online services are nerve.
People
Most people get involved with their exes again, and live happily for a few months. While it used to be that successful matches made online, the ones where marriage resulted, were the things of headlines and tabloids, that’s not the case these days where more and more people are meeting online, forming fast friendships and then turning those connections romances that work.
Date
One of the most recurring mental blocks men face before they date is their eagerness to plunge into a deep, stable and unbreakable relationship. After all, this is your first date and the two of you are getting to know each other.
Person
Dating has often been called a “game” because each person is trying to figure out what the other person wants out of the relationship. There are sites for nearly every type of person and lifestyle out there and you will find at least one that suits you perfectly.
Yourself
- Calm yourself by telling yourself you’re excited, not nervous. In short, I’m talking about opening yourself up to a life that embraces Mr. What’s the point of spending money to join, spending time to write a profile, spending time answering a questionairre, only to eliminate yourself from 95% of those searching for you.
Relationship
In essence, courtship is a word that has been applied to describe the biblical basis for the relationship leading up to marriage. So needless to say, I did not listen to my husband, but thought because I had such an open relationship with my daughter and we had been talking about sex since she was 13 years old that she would never have sex…I was very, very wrong.
Love
Women love to laugh. And they are not as keen on actual jokes as men often are – they prefer spontaneous wit and they love to be gently teased. Women love charm, so long as it is natural, cool and unpretentious.
Meet
Your friends start trying to fix you up and you begin to consider going out to meet new people… of the opposite sex. Online dating and personals sites are great ways to meet a variety of people all over the world, but with such convenience it’s easy to lose control.
Single
Women often grumble about the inventory of single men saying, “There are no good men available. I spoke with eight single men in their 40’s who are members of a local dating service. What percentage of single people find bars and dance clubs a useful way to meet other single people.
Internet
If you ever plan on actually meeting people in person from Internet dating services, then be honest. Online Dating is drawing more and more people to the Internet in search of love, but the abundance of dating sites can be confusing for many.
Friends
Women tend to be more person-centred than men are – they love to have lots of friends – and you should have some women as friends for that reason: they will introduce you to their women friends. It involves the initial contact, the getting to know you, the first meeting, the second and subsequent dates, the first kiss, the first moment of true intimacy, sharing hopes and dreams, introducing friends and family, daily contact, blah, blah, blah.
Services
To-date websites offering dating services whether for the same cultural individuals or not, can be found scattered on the web. The concept of dating services is nothing new; it has a history of its own. Their services remain limited to the circulation of the paper.
Singles
You will find regular Speed Dating events in most major cities up and down these countries, and most singles usually go back for more. With so many singles still afraid to try online dating chances are they could end up staying single.
Dates
Gay males and females can find a plenty of options for dates on these sites. Not only will individuals be able to save some money this way; but they would also be able to impress their dates by including some of their favorite foods in the picnic basket.
Profile
This means you pay to view profiles and to have your profile matched with potential dates. I placed my profile on several sites and surveyed the marketplace. Never include your last name, home address, phone number, place of employment, email address or any other identifying information in your profile or initial messages.
Success
With each ticking second your anticipation grew as you weighed the odds of success versus the usually greater odds of rejection and the added embarrassment of looking like a jerk. Let me tell you how you can get big success on your first date itself.
Questions
Sometimes when I read some questions posted by people on dating on forums, I find curious phenomena. Ask simple questions that will help uncover a person’s passions. Thinking about the answers to these questions and concerns, I came up with a well-received presentation, which I’ll highlight here:
Conversation
The sum of the conversation is that “Christian Dating” is a territory that needs more attention simply because of the secularist ideas of dating that seem to market self- serving motives.
Successful
” Many of these sites boast of thousands of successful matches made in heaven and just as many marriages. If you are considering online dating, there are a few tips that can help make the experience a more enjoyable and successful one.
Speed
New research shows that singletons are flocking to speed dating events across the globe in their quest to find Mr or Ms right. Thinking about trying this new speed dating craze. The course and speed of the game is decided by her.
Message
But what most people don’t realise is that only around 10% of dating site members actually meet a long-term partner on their chosen site and a whopping 70% don’t even receive one message from another member. It’s quick to join them, it’s easy to message someone and because you know they are ‘looking’, you are speaking to someone that you already know is available.
Dating & Relationship Advice To Start You Off
Online
You will always here scaremonger stories of how it isn’t safe, and too many online dating services have fake profiles. Singles all over the world are looking for other avenues to find love, and with our online dating tips, you will be one step closer to meeting your future partner and possible soul mate.
People
Many people fall in love in the beginning because they found the shape of nose to be very cute or the laughter very attractive. This is usually what people see first. In my work as a Marriage and Family Therapist most of my practice has been working with couples, because after experiencing divorce growing up as a child, and again after a ten year first marriage, I decided that my mission is to help people have successful marriages and families, and I thought the best way to do that would be as a marriage counselor.
Date
I am very attracted to a man at work and would like to go out on a date with him. ‘Right,’ my date replied. One bad date does not define who you are.
On the first date be a little cautious about the questions you answer.
Person
It is in man’s nature to find his or her partner in life; unless of course the person has made a commitment to the “Single for Life Club”. The purpose of flirtation is to interest another person in you, so showing them what’s great about you is the way to go.
Yourself
Believing you need to make yourself more appealing to attract a partner. – Calm yourself by telling yourself you’re excited, not nervous. In short, I’m talking about opening yourself up to a life that embraces Mr.
What’s the point of spending money to join, spending time to write a profile, spending time answering a questionairre, only to eliminate yourself from 95% of those searching for you.
Relationship
In essence, courtship is a word that has been applied to describe the biblical basis for the relationship leading up to marriage. So needless to say, I did not listen to my husband, but thought because I had such an open relationship with my daughter and we had been talking about sex since she was 13 years old that she would never have sex…I was very, very wrong.
Meet
The advice that I will be offering you is simple and common sense tips that many singles should already know, or after reading this article, should understand what it takes to meet someone special online. Instead, meet in a public place during daylight hours.
Love
So why not pretend to be one of those experts, and tell them things they love to hear. Women love to hear this, from as many people as possible. Come to think of it, all of us as humans love to live in our own comfort zones.
Single
First Corinthians 7 instructs that single brothers and sisters be permitted to marry. I have one friend who was so jaded with regard to relationships and dating, that she had been single for about 3 years. What do single mothers do about dating when they have children at home?
Internet
Hooking up via the Internet is a common trend these days. An internet dating site with millions of members may sound great, but if only three members live anywhere within 1,000 miles of you, it might not be a good fit.
Services
Well, in the next few minutes you will read a comparison between online and offline US dating services and the writers’ opinion on the best dating services. Yet, there are certain services I would prefer paying for. In the huge pool of internet dating services, there are very decent dating sites with tens of thousands of members rather than millions of profiles, giving much better services than bigger dating sites, who are only concerned with their marketing campaign and their sales.
Friends
These are the friends I know for many years, and to me they seem like the type of people that any men or women would desire and be happy to meet, and date; the typical situation is going on numerous, endless blind and non-blind dates, and getting disappointed and many times crushed.
Singles
Before you attend the next singles event or share emails with someone on Match. Busy legitimate singles with limited time can readily meet other singles with similar interests for friendship, dating, or commitment purposes while online. Date up to twenty enthusiastic singles in one evening of whirlwind dating.
Dates
The perky hostess sympathized, saying that she knew of one successful man who had a rule for the women he dates: Half his age plus seven years. To be able to pick and choose and go through dates like they were calendar pages to be tossed away with each passing day.
Profile
If you have decided to find yourself an ideal partner through online dating sites then making a great profile is one of the first steps to achieve that. How to make your online Profile seductive and what to look for in other people profile to know if they are your type or not.
Success
They don’t think about getting success on the first date. Let me tell you how you can get big success on your first date itself. Yet don’t sabotage your success of possibly getting a yes by having an inner tendency to expect rejection.
Conversation
Confidence, self-perception, and the ability to hold a conversation and make a woman feel comfortable are all-important elements to succeeding with and attracting women. This didn’t require deep and complicated conversation but rather open honest words spoken in love and sincerity revealing the person.
Questions
Ask them questions about what they think about just before talking to a woman. You might like to ask questions like:. That means learning to listen – and to show you are listening by asking appropriate questions and using the right body language.
Speed
New research shows that singletons are flocking to speed dating events across the globe in their quest to find Mr or Ms right. Thinking about trying this new speed dating craze. The course and speed of the game is decided by her.
Successful
” Many of these sites boast of thousands of successful matches made in heaven and just as many marriages. Exuding the alpha male confidence is the first step in successful interactions with women, it’s very simple and isn’t a silly dating game.
Tips On Body Language for Successful Flirting
Male and female courtship signals have been studied, and the basic conclusions are that these signals are completely unconscious. The more you consciously understand the signals, the better and more successful you will be when courting the object of your desire, whether it is the man or woman of your dreams.
To master the art of successful flirting, you have to feel good about yourself first. Be confident. Be yourself, or else you will look deceitful or desperate. Flirting can be utilized in just about anything, not just in attracting the opposite sex, but also in attaining just about anything you want in your life. This can be described as good flirting. Good flirting should be done with a precise understanding of what you really want, coupled with positive sensations.
Here are their tips on how you can put good flirting to your advantage:
1. Don’t worry about whether you are making a good impression or not. Instead, analyze how you can make the other person feel good. By doing this, you will get the feedback you are expecting. Soon you will make the connection.
2. Flirting can help you make friends or impress a client if you make yourself approachable. Put a smile on your face, as it gives you an aura of being friendly.
3. Remember that you cannot attract people just by sitting or standing like a statue. There will be instances when you will encounter a person who gets a little bit too close for comfort feel, or someone who makes you feel you are already invading privacy. No matter what you do, you would get a so-called “vacuum” reaction. Tough one, huh? You can avoid this by using gentle moves and by calibrating the person’s reactions to you. Be aware of these signals: mouths get larger, the lips swell, eyes widen, pupils dilate, skin flushes and changes color, muscles around the mouth move, among others.
4. Be persistent. Flirting works best when you are patient. By being such, you will have room for improvement if at first you aren’t getting the results you want. If you fail the first time, do it again the second time, third time, just keep trying. Try different approaches until you realize what will really work best for you. If you were rejected, don’t give up. This goes with the sayings, “To err is human” and “Nobody’s perfect.”
5. This is probably for me the most interesting and somehow funniest tip I got: “Practice in the mirror, only then can you make it perfect!” This is especially true in meeting friends and prospects, because flirting may involve unwanted actions and attention which can put you in the bad light. You may be spontaneous in your actions, but you can’t guard yourself if you are already overdoing it, and I supposed you don’t want to be in that situation. Try practicing with your close friends and ask for feedback.
6. Make the first move! Opportunities knock only once, so if you want something or even someone, go for it, now! Let go of your inhibitions. But remember to apply positive or good flirting. Who knows if the person you meet at that moment is your gateway towards the fulfillment of your dreams.
Let Your Body Language Do The Flirting
Do you know why some people seem to have an easier time attracting the opposite sex? Here’s what you can to do in order to catch the eye of your Honey Bunch.
1. Smile sincerely and frequently. In his article “The Six Don Juan Commandments of Body Language,” Allen Thompson wrote that smiling is “The simplest, most obvious, and most powerful of the body language commandments.” He also mentions that “Smiling conveys, both instantly and clearly, many wonderful things about yourself. Smiling demonstrates confidence, friendliness, a positive attitude, a good mood, and it gives the impression that you’re someone who is, most likely, fun to be with. It’s also very difficult to ignore.”
2. Have a sense of humor. Learn to laugh at petty matters. People love to be with those who can turn any situation into a funny setting.
3. Maintain eye contact. Your eyes are probably the most expressive parts of your body. When you look at your dear one constantly, you are expressing your sincere intentions. Eye contact also establishes a bond between two persons. They would naturally feel more comfortable in each other’s company.
4. Nod your head. By nodding, you signify your approval and you encourage the other party to continue talking. You give reassurance that your loved one is doing ok.
5. Be open, physically. Do not cross your arms across the chest or hold obstructive objects (such as a food) between the two of you. Put your hands on your sides (and if possible put your palms up) to convey openness.
Fathers should be honored
Now adays fathers are not honored. The good fathers take a bad rap from the bad fathers. The truth is there is alot of hard working, caring and loving fathers out there. We should celebrate father’s day like we celebrate mother’s day.
Make father’s days a special day. Take him out to a baseball game, to a movie. Get him a unique gift. Something that shows he is special. Not just a father’s day card with just a signature.
Let’s not forget about our fathers. They also have to be reminded that they are doing a great job. Fathers are not perfect they also make mistakes. So if he needs to be forgiven, forgive him. What a great father’s day present that would be.
3 Questions To Ask Yourself If You’re Ready To Live Your Dream
One thing potential entrepreneurs continuously ask me is what should I be doing to get started? Should I be researching business ideas? Should I be writing a business plan? Where can I go to get inspiration on a business?
Where I would start is by asking yourself three questions. Now, If I were to ask you these three questions in person, I would ONLY share them with you if you promised to take action. Because if there was any ONE thing that I see lacking with most people who think they want to become wealthy and those who know that they are going to be and that is ACTION.
Here are the three questions you MUST ask yourself in order to make independence your own reality.
1. Are you serious about REALLY living your dream?
2. Are you on the right track to get where you want to be?
3. What can you do today get yourself closer to your dream?
That’s it? You mean that’s all you’re going to give me Benny? C’mon – there has got to be some super-secret recipe that you can tell me that will start me on my way, some ONE thing that will lead me on my path to millions?
One thing that I’ve also learned is that my path is completely different than anybody else’s. I tried to do things exactly as others before had done, and it just doesn’t work. Now, there are some similar things that have been done before and will surely work. But what you want and what somebody else wants are two completely different things. That is why you won’t hear me telling you how to do things.
I learned some time ago that this thing called your “Why” is what gets you going NOT the “How”. There are a ton of books by these so-called gurus that will tell you how to trade stocks, or show you how they made millions by doing an infomercial. I love learning how they did it, but it might not necessarily be for me.
Alright, I hear you out there. Please show me something! Do you really want to make a million dollars or more? Do you want to know a business that will, if you are serious, take time to educate yourself and make smart business moves, you can become successful? Okay, it’s Real Estate. It is time-tested and proven and I have several friends who are worth millions because of real estate.
Tell me , what’s your HONEST reaction? Was it something like “No kidding, I’m doing that already.” , “Oh, I could never fix toilets at 2:00 AM”, “Should I flip houses, buy and rent?” or was is “Real Estate – nah too hard.” The truth is real estate has created thousands of millonaires especially over the last 30 years, and personally, I’ve dipped my toe in it, but it doesn’t excite me. So for many people who are interested in real estate as their passion – this works! For me, I’ll probably buy some more real estate, because I know how to, but it won’t be my primary focus. How about you?
Now go back to the three questions above, it is so easy to glance over the questions, but here’s how you do it. Read question number one. “Are you serious about REALLY living your dream?” What is your life like today? Comfortable? Easy? Predictable? For many, the corporate culture creates an environment of “Just below acceptable”. You do a job that isn’t too hard. You make enough to enjoy life. You have a house, a car or two, take a vacation or two a year and that works. After all, everybody else is in the same boat right? So if you ask the question, are you serious? Many people will just say – NO. Because their lives are fine right now. Because of that fact, you can’t move forward – you’re not ready to go on. So while question number one may seem simplistic, it is the hardest question for MOST people to HONESTLY answer yes to.
Three simple questions. Three honest answers. That’s all it takes to get you started.
Learning How to Let Go
As a self styled phenomenologist I like to break things down to their smallest part. In my day job I also have a natural desire and policy to do less and earn more.
I semi retired seven years ago at the age of 52. I owned a very successful business and was working seven days a week and a short day was 10 hours. I had enough, and lost interest in the business. I closed it down and took a year and a half off.
During this time I set out on my journey of spiritual awareness, and I starting reading books and writing articles. I took on a day job to supplement my savings and income.
My career as a salesman allowed me lots of freedoms to do my writing and manage my web site that was growing bigger and more popular every day. The current writing and web site management take up a lot of my time. For the last five and a half years I have considered my writing and web site as my work and my day job as my paying hobby.
In our sales meetings and in one-on-one meetings with the owner, he has said that any salesman who is not on the job to make money first shouldn’t be in a sales job. He and I have had head to head combat with this philosophy. Although he may be correct in his opinion, he is plainly expressing a limited philosophy in my view. He simply does not understand my philosophy about my job and why I am there.
My present philosophy is really very simple, and is just the different path I like it. My response to his constant question about why I am there is multifold.
I need the divergence so I don’t die in front of my computer, and getting off my butt is a good thing. I need inspiration and an alternate environment-I am on the road four hours a day and in four to six homes five days a week. I am by nature very reclusive and shy, and I go out of my way to avoid people. However in my work, I am just the opposite. People don’t believe me when I tell them how introverted I am. The job provides me the chance to interact with people on their level and in the comfort of their homes. It is the connection I need with others.
Because I specialize in the study of manifesting, my job has given me great opportunity to consider how it works virtually. Over the years I have modified my selling approach many times to try and achieve and maintain my position on the job. I have been a trainer and a supervisor. I have been at the bottom and the top, and I have never been one to remain content with the status quo or to remain in the same position.
The job is a buffet of opportunities for me to write about my experiences and the different individuals I work with. I have run the gammed of emotions on the job. I have been given other opportunities to help and I seldom turn them down when asked.
It is the perfect job for me-not for the money-but for all the other opportunities it brings to me. I have discovered a gold mine, and have gained great insight into how to manifest what I desire.
Finally after nearly six years on the job, I have adapted a philosophy and have made a great discovery about my favourite subject.
The owner and I have made a straightforward agreement about the percentage that he will pay me. I have no issues with that. He has guaranteed me four qualified leads a day and sometimes as many as six. We also agreed I could have more if I wanted them. Between the leads that are generated by the telemarketers, I also receive referrals and office leads (customers who have phoned in).
My job definition is quite very simple-just sell. My new approach as to how I maintain my job and give the boss what he wants is even simpler. I do as little as possible.
I believe if I do my job effectively, I will have all that I desire from it and the bonus reward will be a paycheck that will reflect my initiative. My focus now, as it was in the outset, is not about the money. The money will come when the job is done. I learned over the years to stop counting the money or worrying about how much I have sold and how close I am to getting bonuses and duly achieving my targets. I try not to think about cancellations, break-downs and human error. My new thoughts are-just do the job-the money will come.
I have been able to demonstrate this philosophy and it is working. I am doing less and the money is getting better. I am not trying to control the current situation any longer-in fact I try to forget about the situation and give it little thought. I still have to catch myself periodically from counting or watching over my numbers. Things are happening in my job of which I have no jurisdiction over that is making my job easier.
We are now in the off season for our products and services. The telemarketers are having difficulty supplying the salespeople with leads and we are sitting on the side of the road for hours-waiting. I am now making more money and doing less. I am making money by just sitting on the side of the road waiting for leads.
Because there are now fewer leads, the office manager is phoning previous customers and booking my calls from an old database. The closing rate on these leads is about 85% as apposed to a closing rate of about 50% on the cold calls. He is working harder and I am sitting on the side of the road for most of my shift and earning more money. I have no conscious control over these events. However, at a subconscious level I am participating in the manifesting of them.
I was asked this week not to come into the sales meetings in the morning. I have always been apposed to them as I don’t see them as informative or motivating. When I first started we had a meeting every day. I made so much noise over the years; I got them down to twice a week. Now I don’t have to go in at all. Yesterday I was given the choice to come in or not-it has now become my choice-I think once a week is perfect.
I love this job, it is now working for me, and I am not working for it. I started off working 6 hours a day, six days a week. I am now working four hours a day and five days a week. All the opportunities are there for me-they just keep coming.
There is only one thing I have to do, and that is sell. The job, the money and all the others things I cherish about the job will take care of themselves. They will not, only when I try to control them. As far as the money goes, I have a clear desire about what I require to receive at the close of the pay period. Between the beginning of the pay period and the end of it, I will do little to try and control how I get it.
My philosophy is working-the boss gets what he wants in the end, and so do I. It’s the perfect marriage. This article, hundreds more, and my books are all an outcome of this philosophy. It has been the greatest gift from my job. It is worth much more than the money I am earning.
My success is manifested by a desire and my own unique perspective. This philosophy may not work for others. There are some who would completely disagree with what I have written, and yet I am living proof that it has worked.
We are all great manifesters, few of us realize it, and once we try to understand the process our thoughts often get in the way of how it should work. We trip over our own feet. Keep it simple-do your job and take advantage of the opportunities which you are drawing to yourself.
If I was really wise, I would stop writing about these things. Just the very act of writing about it, changes it. Being true to my nature I must look deeper and by doing so, I am going to stick my foot in my mouth. However, this is going to create another opportunity for another article.
By doing less in my job and earning more, I have created the opportunity to do more with my writing and that is what I enjoy the most. I have also become more aware of opportunities and choices.
It is important to understand that by doing less, I don’t mean being irresponsible. I simply mean if you take full responsibility for your job and know the results of your work, it will bring you what you desire-you will work less and earn more.
If you try to maintain control of the steps to your goal-you will eventually lose site of it. If you let go, the probable opportunities will come to you, and then it is simply about making good choices.
How To Make Your Girlfriend’s Parents Like You When You Meet Them
Gregg Hall asked:
The conversation more about you know as wellbrbrwhen you really care about them and you or not women are close to their home prior to play round of tennis then you to illustrate point if you dress appropriately dressing.
Dalton
The conversation more about you know as wellbrbrwhen you really care about them and you or not women are close to their home prior to play round of tennis then you to illustrate point if you dress appropriately dressing.
Dalton