Cordell Wallace asked:


A friend of mine has had this mad crush on a colleague of his for over a year. She’s all he talks about. How beautiful she looks, how talented and articulate she is. They both love mountain biking and even share the same fondness for the same red wines. They’re close in age and have similar professional backgrounds. Sounds like a perfect match doesn’t it?

But he won’t even ask her out on a real date. Why? Because “She’s out of my league!” he always whimpers pitifully.

Now she most certainly is. Over a year has gone by and he’s never made a move on her. Worse, he’s now put himself in that awful hell known as being a “guy friend.” Men are almost never able to claw themselves out from that frozen wasteland.

Once a woman looks at you as being just a friend, it’s all over. You could sleep right next to her in the same bed and not get any action. You HAVE to make your intentions known right from the beginning. If you like a woman, then act like a man and let her know that you’re attracted to her! Don’t beat around the bush. Don’t take her out to Starbucks and tell her how sensitive and sweet you are. Act like a man, not a timid boy!

Ask her out on a DATE right from the beginning. Let her know that you’re interested in Her, and it’s not a platonic interest. Often times women will be attracted to a new man they’ve just met. But if that guy doesn’t make a move, eventually she’ll doubt his masculinity and move on.

“If he’s a real man with male interests and needs, then why isn’t he making a move on me?” she’ll think to herself. “Maybe he’s ***? Or possibly he’s just scared of women?”

Then she’ll move on and you’ll be stuck in friendship hell forever. Worse, you won’t even realize how you put yourself in that position, and the situation will repeat itself ad infinitum until you either find a woman that will settle for you, or you lower your standards significantly.

As far as my poor chump of a friend above, the object of his desire was never out of his league. He just built her up on a pedestal in his own mind. He let his own insecurities and doubts cloud his mind which made her appear to be unwinnable.

No woman is ever out of your league! Of course some guys will have more success than others. But if an average looking guy asked out 100 super models, at least one of them would say yes! You can improve that average with experience, and by developing real confidence in yourself.

Don’t settle for less than you deserve in life, and never doubt yourself! We have enough obstacles in life without turning ourselves into one.

Build your confidence and learn to seduce women without acting like a jerk at Zewb.com.

Alex Strandberg asked:


You have listened to her complain about the jerk who treated her badly countless times only to watch her go out with him again and again. All of your selfless acts fall to the wayside only to hear about her mistreatment the following week.

You are left in pit of despair and confusing as the mantra “nice guy’s finish last” repeats in your head. “When will she wake up? When will she realize that there is a nice guy who will treat her the way she deserves to be treated sitting right here?”

She will never realize this because you aren’t in fact a nice guy. Appearances can be deceiving and the “nice guy” act is one of the biggest deceptions around.

On the surface, nice guys appear to be selfless, kind, caring human beings but this is far from the truth. Beneath their generous acts and humble words lurks something darker. A dark side few nice guys care to admit because nice guys aren’t really that nice.

Here is a paraphrase from the book “No More Mr. Nice Guy” :

Nice Guys avoid conflict.

Nice Guys hold contempt for women.

Nice Guys have difficulty making their needs a priority.

Nice Guys lack conviction in their opinions or beliefs. Typically they will wait and see what the popular opinion is before taking a stand. If a rift happens in the group they will wait to see who is winning before taking a side.

Nice Guys lack loyalty. They develop a chameleon like type of behavior when interacting with others. If one member of a group doesn’t like another the nice guy will take on the belief of whoever they around. One day they will talk badly of one member and the next they will reverse their opinion.

Nice Guys are dishonest. They hide their mistakes and say what they think people want to hear. They will say pretty much anything to gain the approval of others.

Nice Guys are secretive. They are so driven to seek approval that they will hide anything they believe might upset anyone.

Nice Guys are manipulative. They have hard time making their needs a priority and have difficulty asking for what they want clearly, so they feel powerless and result to manipulation.

Nice Guys are controlling, in order to keep their world smooth.

Nice Guys give to get and expect some kind of reciprocation.

Nice Guys are passive-aggressive.

Nice Guys are full of rage, a rage which tends to erupt at some of the most unexpected and seemingly inappropriate times.

Nice Guys have difficulty setting boundaries, and instead feel like victims.

Nice Guys are attracted to people and situations that need fixing.

Nice Guys are terrible listeners because they are too busy trying to figure out how to defend themselves or fix the other person’s problem.

Nice Guys form relationships with partners who are “projects” or “diamonds in the rough.”

And Nice Guys tend to swing back and forth between the nice side and the dark side.

Reframing Being a “Nice” Guy

If you have found yourself in any of these qualities odds are that you are a “nice” guy. While nice guys do have some redeeming qualities overall they lack mature emotional balance.

Their overall theme in life is one of seeking approval. They want everyone to like them because on a fundamental level they don’t like themselves. They reach out for the approval of others because they aren’t content with their own.

They want to be liked by everyone but the truth is that NO MATTER what you do NOT EVERYONE will like you. You can’t please the entire crowd so it’s not worth the effort. There are some people that will despise you because of your desire to be liked. You are playing a game that you can never win.

Every time you try to be a nice guy at the cost of your integrity or your honesty you are hurting yourself. It may be a small little lie or agreeing with something that you don’t truly believe in but you are just making your situation worse.

Honesty, integrity and courage are at the core of confidence and high self esteem. Every time you sacrifice one of these principles you are chipping away at your self esteem. Do this long enough and there will be nothing left.

Recovering From Being “Nice” Guy

The first step is to become aware of your “nice” guy tendencies. Awareness is half the battle in conquering any issue. You can’t fix something that you don’t know is broken.

Be aware of every nice act that you preform and understand the real motivation behind it. Ask yourself “did I do this just to be nice or to be liked? Did I put the needs of others above my own just for their approval? Was my nice gesture genuine or was it done with the intention of getting something in return?”

On a some level you understand what your motivation behind every nice act is. You know that you are doing it for approval. Your mind re-enforces these “nice” acts in two ways:

1. Rationalizing your behavior

2. Judges others for not doing what you do

The most common rationalization for your behavior that your mind will create is “I’m just trying to be nice.” Every lie, manipulation and bending over backwards for people will be rationalized by this thought.

A nice guy judges others for not being a nice as him. A martyr has a load of resentment towards people who don’t do the things that he does. They create an arrogance and draw part of their self esteem from having a better than you type of attitude.

If you look deeper into this judgment you will find jealousy. They are jealous of the people who have boundaries, aren’t self sacrificing for others and can get what they desire. They wish they could do the same but would run the risk of losing the validation they so desperately crave.

If you look at how much a nice guy judges a jerk you will see mass amounts of jealousy. He judges him for the way he treats the girl but in reality he wishes he could have her. He can’t be with her so he resorts to bitterness and taking a holier than thou route.

The second step is to drop this habit. This step can be very difficult because some of you have been a practicing “nice” guy behaviors for most of your life. The external validation that you receive from others can become very addicting. Here are some ways you can put an end to this “nice” guy act:

-Start saying no to people. Write out a list of things that you do simply because you want to be liked and stop doing them. You should end up saying to no to people far more than you say yes.

It’s not wrong to do for others but only if it’s done on your own terms. Help people out but only if you truly want to and without the expectation of getting something in return.

-Get your priorities in line and never break them. The needs of others should come fourth on your list of priorities below your health, integrity and your mission.

-Make honesty and integrity a priority above being liked, it will help you sleep better at night. Become more open with your opinion and more upfront with people.

-Learn to draw your self esteem and approval from within. Being liked by others isn’t a bad thing but it becomes one when it’s your only means of feeling good about yourself.

-Develop a spine and start to stand up for yourself. It’s impossible to truly love yourself and draw self esteem from within if you are letting people walk all over you. Every time you let someone treat you badly your self esteem drops just a little bit more.

-Adopt the frame of “hey, I’m not for everyone.” Get used to the fact that whatever you do not everyone is going to like you. It’s ironic that once you let go of trying to get people to love you the more love you will draw into your life.

-”I trust the universe to supply my abundance and prosperity” That nagging voice in the back of your head will be right when it tells you that being more authentic and honest will cause most of your “friends” to go bye bye. They will be upset over losing their doormat and nice guy friend who will do anything for them.Get over it and trust the universe to supply you with friends.

There will be a transition period were you will you lose a good bit of your friends. By weathering the grace period you will allow better and more genuine friends to come into your life. You will be filled with more abundance than you can handle.

You will be taking a large risk by dropping the “nice” guy act. It may feel safer to keep things just the way they are. If you are satisfied with the fact that the only time a woman gets wet around you is when she is crying on your shoulder then I suggest that you continue on that path. But if you aren’t happy with your life or your success with women then I think it’s time for a change.

Carolyn McFann asked:


Awhile back, I had a friend who owned a singles agency. At the time I was actively looking to meet someone to date, so she let me put an ad in her newspaper and gave me pointers in writing it. She’d worked many years with single people and knew all the ins and outs of how to attract the opposite *** by using just words. Here are some of her tips told to me, that really do work.

Be sure to portray yourself accurately. Don’t put up an image of someone you’re not. And, don’t include a photo of yourself from fifteen years ago. Have someone take a recent photograph of you, and be proud of who you are at this point in time. Don’t lie about your age, height or other personal information. It pays to be as real as possible. People don’t like to feel “tricked”. One man I’d met told me he was thirty and had a thick head of hair. When I met him, he was fifty, with a bad toupee. He was a total fake. Even if he had a good personality, it didn’t matter, he’d lied and I was not interested in knowing someone who lied up front like that. It pays to be honest. Don’t start a possible relationship out on a wrong note.

Being sexual in your description will bring you people looking to get lucky, but chances are, not long-term relationships. Don’t be provocative and sleazy in your description of yourself or in who you are looking for. Keep it clean. Be a class act and you are asking for respect, not drooling ********. It’s a good idea to get to know a person before allowing intimacy into the mix.

Describe yourself as best you can, using visual and positive descriptions. Don’t be down on yourself, point out your assets. Don’t complain about things, and keep it light. Nobody wants to be around someone who is all gloom and doom. It’s like a job interview. You don’t tell prospective employers about your cellulite, or tough breaks in life. Be even tempered and pleasant.

Whatever you do, don’t discuss your broken heart from a previous relationship or what a jerk your ex is. Don’t mention anything but yourself, your interests and what kind of person you are looking to meet. Leave out the past, because it’s, well, the past. Stay in the now.

Use the bulk of your ad to visually describe yourself and your hobbies. These words are all that represent you, so make them count. We all want someone with integrity, honesty, kindness, etc. Leave those things out, they are “givens”. What kind of music do you like? Are you into the latest music like Justin Timberlake or LL Cool J? Or, do you prefer the older music like the Rolling Stones? Do you have a dog or cat? Do you enjoy football, baseball, or other sports? Desribe it. What do you do on weekends for fun? Be as specific as possible.

Don’t be caught up on superficiality. We all want someone attractive to us. So to put “I want someone attractive” is a waste of writing. If looks are important, nowadays ads have photographs, so you can see who you are meeting. If the person responding doesn’t have an ad, ask him or her to send a photo through the singles’ site email. Try not to give out your personal email if at all possible until you know and are interested in someone. It’s a security thing.

Like when writing a term paper or essay, check over your work before posting your ad. If you need to re-write it to make it better, then do it. If you can include more than one photo of yourself, that will help the other person see what you look like more accurately, especially if one photo is a head shot and the other is a full body picture. Both your description of yourself and your photo will represent you so choose wisely. Nothing risque. Be classy. Be what you want to attract. If you want someone professional, show that you are a professional yourself. If you want to attract a horse lover, take a photo of yourself riding a horse, for example. Again, keep it real.

It takes time, weeding out and lots of effort, but it only takes one “winner” to make it all worthwhile in the end. These tips worked for me when I was dating and they can work for you too. Good luck in your search for that someone special. Be safe, don’t give up and enjoy that special person when you find him or her.

FlirtJerk asked:


There are many traits that attract a woman. What women want is someone who is genuine. A man who loves himself as well as loves her. Perhaps it is safe to say that a woman loves a man who doesn’t try to be something he isn’t. I think that all people are like that.

One very important trait that attract women is being a charmer but one that is real. In other words, don’t use your Casanova charm on her then turn around and use it on another woman. If you do, you are a player. She needs to feel like you want to just charm her and no one else. A woman needs emotional security and when you can show her that she is safe with you, you are bound to keep her.

Another wonderful trait that will attract a woman is how you love others. Do you genuinely love children or volunteering for your local fire station. Also, this must be a trait that is real, not just to impress her. A woman loves a man who is a nurturer, because they are natural born nurturers.

There is another valuable trait that attract women. That is how you handle certain situations. One thing that is a total turn off for any woman is the fact that a man tries to put the law in his own hands. Handling things in a macho man way is good sometimes, but being a jerk about it, is no way to win her over.

Children and pets, love them. I know, for some of you, this is an awkward request, but hey women love it. Have you ever noticed that woman smile at that man who is walking with his child? There you go, woman love that. You are nurturing a child and that is definitely a trait that attract women.

Being kind hearted is another trait that attract women. When a man can put others in front of himself, he is definitely someone that can become a keeper. Loving others is a quality trait and rare now and days.

Allow her to express her feelings openly and show her that you love her by understanding her and giving her that emotional security that she so desires. Woman need to feel wanted and needed. They need to feel that they are the only one for you. I am sure that you feel the same way. As different as men and women are, they really share a lot of the same qualities!

You will be surprised at how easy it is to win over her heart. Heartfelt sincerity is the absolutely most effective way to not only win her heart but to keep it as well.

I will say that the most important trait to attract women is to listen to her. Try to understand her and respect her. You may not always have the answers and that is okay. All she wants is someone to reassure her that everything will be OK. This is part of that emotional security that was mentioned earlier.

Debra Berndt asked:


As I watched the debates over the last few weeks, I kept wondering, “Who is telling the truth?” Politicians create their persona and tout their opinions on issues based on what image is going to give them the most votes. The same with dating, most men and women go out on dates with the guise that will provide the best opportunity to get a nod from the object of their affection.

Have you ever dated someone who seemed so nice in the beginning and then became a jerk after you slept with him? How about someone who filled your head with empty promises and soon after she got you decided she wasn’t ready for commitment? Sounds like the candidates who pledge they will make changes but nothing happens after they get into office. They played a role just to get you to like them. Have you ever done that when dating? Most people do and say what they think will make them more likable whether it is in the area of dating, getting a job, or dealing with family members. The problem is that we are assuming we know what other people really want!

In my early days of dating, I used to pretend I was cool, together and didn’t want a relationship because I thought that seemed more appealing to men. The nice guys stayed away and the womanizers were drawn to me like a magnet. It wasn’t until I was true to myself that I attracted the love of my life. I remember clearly that I was so fed up with trying to be someone else and just laid it on the line. By stating my genuinne intentions and admitting that I wanted marriage and a serious relationship, I easily found suitors that matched the message that I was sending.

Many people ask me to explain the best way to write an ad for the online dating sites and I simply answer, be authentic. If you are trying to get someone to like you through false pretenses, he or she will be able to feel it. Or, you may temporarily capture their attention, but eventually your true colors will emerge and the person may or may not want to stay when they discover the truth. I find it funny that some ads will seem as though the person is being sincere, but he is really just using his fake authenticity as another tactic to attract more responses just like a politician.

So if you are out to get a lot of votes like a politician, you may get more dates but lower your chances of finding a true match. You only need one person (at a time), so why not focus your target on what you really want. Being clear on the type of person you desire and simultaneously being sincere will surely expedite that love to arrive in your life.

Our subconscious is filled with pre-programmed acts that we follow in accordance to how we were trained by the world. To find your true self, you need to let go of those old behaviors and false beliefs that led you to your current single situation and try something knew. The main reason that people pretend is insecurity, they really do not believe that people would really like their real selves. Changing your subconscious beliefs of unworthiness and self-doubt through self-hypnosis can easily increase your confidence level. You need to genuinely like yourself for someone else to want to be with you.

Deep inside there is a knowing of your true self, but you may have been just too afraid to look. As you search for the truth you will find that you are wonderful, amazing and lovable. There is nothing to change except your self-acceptance. As you embrace yourself, you can draw the curtains and show the world who you really are. Your love is waiting to meet the real you.

Nick Shane asked:


Have you ever wondered why this girl you have a crush on goes out with a selfish and abusive jerk? You would treat her so much better of course but still…she completely ignores you. Why?

This mystery bugs the hell out of almost every guy out there. Most men just can’t figure out what it is that makes women fall for the wrong guys…the bad boys!

So the question is: Why are so many beautiful women attracted to arrogant, abusive and selfish jerks?

It took me many years until I figured this out but now I’ll let you in on this secret.

If you want an answer to why and how bad boys attract so many beautiful women, you have to look through the looking-glass the other way and ask yourself…

Why are those women NOT dating the nice guys who treat them like real princesses?

Obviously, they are dating the arrogant jerks and bad boys … and NOT the guys who are nice to her, pay her lots of compliments, bring flowers and want to take them out on a dinner date.

The first thing you have to realize now is that ‘being BAD’ gets you 10 times more women than ‘being GOOD’. Look around you and have a look at some couples where the woman is really beautiful and attractive.

Her man definitely isn’t the nicey-nice type of guy.

So how do these bad boys do it? What makes them so attractive and sexy to women?

It’s because women want to be with guys who are a challenge and not easy to get. Bad boys and jerks don’t give a damn if a woman likes them or not, whereas the nicey-nice guy is needy, clingy and desperately wants to take her out on a date.

Bad boys are wild, brake rules and do what they want. Women get automatically attracted to such behavior because it is exciting and unpredictable.

Nice guys ALWAYS do the expected and predictable, therefore making themselves boring in the eyes of any woman.

Bad boys are always superior when it comes to attracting and dating the most beautiful women out there. Have a look at some of the female celebrities out there. They can literally choose any guy they want…and who do they end up with?

It’s either an alcoholic rock star, bad boy actor or abusive jerk with tattoos all over his body.

But what attracts women to these guys isn’t their abusive attitude, their arrogant behavior and wife beating tendencies…hell no.

You see, if you were a woman and you had to choose between a nice guy who has nothing else to offer than the classic dates such as going to a restaurant where he pays for everything or a movie where he brings chocolate and flowers … then the woman wants THE OTHER guy there is.

And that, sadly enough, is the bad boys on the block.

You hear so many people say that those kind of guys are the ‘wrong men’ but what else is there?

As a woman, you always choose the man who is wild, rebellious and in love with himself over the nice-nice wimpy guy who would do anything for you.

Think about what class you fall into.

Terry Leslie asked:


The question, “Who are you?” has been asked since the dawn of communication. In reality, knowing who you are and knowing who you pretend to be are two different aspects. So few of us really truly know who we are. We have great ideas about who we might be, and we usually know who we want to be, but we rarely understand exactly who we are.

 

We have been taught to be inauthentic throughout our lives. We have been warned to mold with the majority, allow others only to see the good in us, and to trust in the judgment of others more so than our own. Inauthentic behaviors land us good jobs, nice partners, and even great kids. Unlearning the process of being inauthentic is rather difficult, even painful, but so well worth the journey. In fact, those who know themselves well enough to trust in their own judgment are the happiest, most effective people on the planet, not to mention have the most successful relationships.

 

Well, it is time to unlearn. Unlearning starts with your basic belief structure about who you really might be. Are you a good person? Are you someone who has cheated on your wife? Are you big and alive and bold or are you timid and scared and quiet? Often we confuse who we really are with you we have been pretending to be all these years. In fact, we’ve gotten so good at being inauthentic that we are readily able to fool ourselves into believing that is really us.

 

Knowing who you really are creates better relationship. It creates authentic relationships as well as consistent behaviors that reflect who we are. You can’t get consistent behavior if you always have to try to remember who you are supposed to be. You can’t get real with someone if you always have to remember the lies you told to impress someone. Men who know who they are no longer seem aloof, but present. Women who know themselves make it through their day with less drama and fewer unsatisfactory moments. These are really good trade offs for the work you do.

 

So often we believe that we must be awesome because look at how many friends we have and who likes us. Yet we have forgotten that those friends don’t know us, they know the version we have projected upon them. Perhaps we have five great friends who we think care about us. How can they if we aren’t giving our true selves to the world or our relationship? Opting to be someone different than who you really are gives off some really strange cues to other people. Not only will you eventually get caught in some of the smaller lies that you have told as you begin to grow comfortable with the relationship, but you have to go back through the process once more of getting to know someone and hoping that they like you and dealing with all that stress.

 

One of the biggest issues men have with creating their persona is that they listen to the woman they are with. Women listen to other women. So let’s say you with three different women in as many days. By the end of three days you have been the tough and aloof guy with strong protective tendencies, a soft hearted metro who just finished reading “the best book ever,” and some guy who just became a “yes man.” On day number four, how comfortable are you when you go to meet your buddies? You have just thrown out all of these pretend assets and then and you don’t own any of them, and now your behavior has changed once more. Your friends are starting to believe Prozac is in your future and you can’t remember which lie you told whom.

 

Women often go through the same process, they just do it differently. Women often don’t know who they are any more than a guy does. Women also have more freedom to change from day to day, especially when it comes to outward appearance. Experimentation is more acceptable. So, when you try out different personas and change the impression you are giving people, nobody really knows where you are coming from, what you’re all about, and what to expect next. This translates into behaviors that people find erratic and inconsistent.

 

If you really want to be radically different, try going all out full fledged you uncensored. Throw away all the beliefs that society has taught us about not being ourselves, not saying what we mean, not letting people know we might have a feeling or two, and not being weak. Two things are bound to happen when you completely remove your own censorship. First, you are going to lose some friends and possibly the woman you are interested in. Women will lose a few less friends because women operate on a totally different relationship level. Your partner can try this too and the two of you can have a lot of fun dealing with the world for awhile. Just give it as you see it all the time, one hundred percent. The second amazing thing that will happen is that a whole new group of people will eventually become attracted to you, and the people you will attract are also going to be more authentic.

 

Why would you do this? Why would want to shed the life you have and go radically honest and real on people? Maybe you don’t. But how well is your method working for you? Are you getting what you want from your relationships? Are you feeling comfortable and relaxed in the world you have created? I am not advocating being mean or telling your significant other that she’s a worthless sac. I am talking about just being honest. Like when she changes her mind, which never happens, right? Don’t guess and run through hoops, just state the obvious to you. “Well, you said this before and now you’re saying that. So how am I supposed to know what you really need?” No filters, no games, just the truth and BAM, now it’s on her. If she can’t handle the truth about her own behavior, then maybe it’s time to consider finding someone who can, especially if you’re being nice about it.

 

It’s really not that hard to be honest without being a jerk. Usually, once you start being real, so does everyone else around you. Which means you get to hear about when you are being a jerk. It doesn’t have to mean anything more than information, though, remember? It is information that tells you what your partner wants, expects, and thinks and it is up to you to either give it power or not. If she says she doesn’t want you seeing your friends because she doesn’t like them, obviously, that’s not something worth changing for her. But you can tell her, “Hey, I like them and I get something from hanging out with them. I will make you a deal and I won’t see them on Friday night and spend that time with you, but I will see them when it works.” That’s not only fair, but you have managed to remove drama, remove accusation, and remove the potential for one of those really pretty three days arguments. Honesty can really be refreshing for you, and refreshing for those around you. As men, we have been taught so much as fact that just isn’t true. If you really care about someone and care about your future with her, the greatest thing you can do for each other is give up a little truth.

 

If you have found my article interesting, I have come across a site which is at the moment giving away a massive free eBook titled “Secrets To Dating Beautiful Women”. I have personally found this one of the best books on the subject of Dating and Relationships and I highly recommend you read it. It’s a must read.

Download it from; www.Secrets2DatingSuccess.com

 

FRANCIS K GITHINJI asked:


There are many things that you might not know about your woman. You are not the first man in her life, but she will never tell you how many men she has slept with. Maybe they range from a few to a dozen but she might only hint on one jerk of a man who broke her virginity and abandoned her. You will also be part of the blame if you are dating her because all men are the same universally; jerks. Girls secrets such as having slept in countless and sometimes strange beds are always kept away from the public limelight by remaining as top secrets. They are highly guarded and not even an intimate partner has access to this classified files. Only her best friend can tell you and it is not a wonder that no soul in the world is aware. It is a secret to take to the grave.

A mistake happened somewhere many years back or of the recent past and she got pregnant. Something had to be done. What would the society say. It was a miscalculation. The pregnancy had to be terminated. An abortion had to be carried out and of course secretly. Another girls secrets. The secret is kept in a safe, deep down in the bowels of her heart. The secret will never see the light of the day, neither now or in the future. It is not meant to. Life to her moves on like nothing never happened. She is her good old self. She is not aware that “such things happen in this world”. “How do people allow such to happen”. She wonders. She will die with the secret. It’s a girls secret. She is in a serious relationship with you.

You have dated for quite a while and both of you are really committed to each other. Things have never looked better for you only that you do not realize that your girl is cheating on you. You think you are the only one but surprisingly she is seeing another man. Talk of girls secrets, sometimes they can leave you gaping wide mouthed. Folklore has it that it is only the children’s mother who really knows who their biological father is. Maybe the man you usually call dad is not your real dad. It is only your mother who knows but unfortunately it is a girl’s secret that you will never know.

Her face is so cute looking you would give anything just to hold it forever. To achieve that feat, it took her more than an hour in front of the mirror. The one thing she does not tell you is how terrible looking she is without make-up. She will maintain that it is her natural shade with a light touch here and there. And you will swallow the bait as one of the long lists of girls secrets. She does not tell you about her wanting table manners. Her ravenous eating habits that would shock any sane person. What about the loud farts in the privacy of her home? I guess girls and girls secrets are one and the same thing.

William Edwards asked:



The men who say they meet instead of us manage to save them like that its probably referring to save them around hang on dating flirting and we usually learn usually and.

For nice guys that its probably unconscious and treat you arent really agree with all this isnt true.


Maleah

David Steele asked:


In the pre-commitment stage when singles become couples, each partner has different hopes and dreams, wants and needs, attitudes and experiences. These differences too often result in relationship failure and disappointment when one or both partners attempt to mold the relationship and their partner to fit what they want, rather than accepting and embracing what is. While we must have a vision and requirements and choose a partner and relationship aligned with what we want, we can’t be so rigid that we reject reality.

How do we let go of needing perfection without settling for less than what we really want? One strategy I recommend for Conscious Mating is to “experience your experience.”

WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO “EXPERIENCE YOUR EXPERIENCE?”

Your “experience” is what happens inside of you. It happens automatically. It’s the thoughts that pop into your head, the sensations you have in your body; what you see, hear, feel, touch and taste. It’s what you are feeling emotionally.

Your experience just happens. You go to a movie and you love the movie and you feel tingly and warm, that is your experience of the movie; you have a positive experience of it. You go to a movie and it scares you, turns you off, you **** it and it repulses you; you have a negative experience of the movie.

Your experience is involuntary. It just happens and it always happens in the now, so you must be present in the now to experience your experience; you can’t be in the past, thinking about what was, and you can’t be in the future, thinking about what will be.

Relationships only happen in the present. Connection can only happen in the present. To be in touch with what is real for us and to have a fulfilling relationship we must be able to experience our experience.

So “experience your experience” means to be present, be in the now, experiencing what is going on for you right now, and what’s real for you right now, instead of your fantasies about what will be and your associations about what was in the past.

Experiencing your experience is important because too often we bring our past baggage into a relationship, we don’t see the person and the relationship for what it is, we are too busy coloring it with the past, or we are absorbed in fantasy about the future, about what it might be and could be and will be.

EXPERIENCE HAPPENS FIRST

Your experience is what’s real for you, and you get to decide what it means. If you went to a movie and it repulsed you, then you might make up a story, an interpretation of your experience, that the movie was horrible, it was the worst movie ever made. That’s because of your experience.

Your experience results in your stories or your interpretations and meanings, and then what you might do is tell everybody you know, “That was the worst movie. Don’t see it.” So your stories, which come from your experience, then result in your actions or what you say and do.

EVOLVE VS. PUSH VS. TWIST

In the pre-commitment stage it’s important to allow a relationship to evolve and be what it is, instead of trying to push it to happen faster, or twist the relationship (or partner) to be what you want it to be. I recommend taking the time to get to know who your partner really is, instead of focusing on your fantasies, hopes and dreams. Experience your experience, embrace “what is,” and stay in the now so you are gounded in reality about your partner and relationship.

TRIAD FOR CREATING LASTING LOVE

To effectively “experience your experience” I’ve found it helpful to stay conscious of three aspects of your experience-

Facts- usually a measureable event (“the sky is blue”)

Judgments- the meaning we make of the event (“the blue sky is pretty”)

Feelings- our emotions and sensations (warm, cold, happy, sad, etc)

Often, what we human beings do, especially when we’re upset or excited, is we make judgments about something and try to make that be the fact-

“You make me so angry.” “You’re a jerk.” “I love you.” “War is hell.” “Ice cream is good.”

These are all judgments. You might feel so strongly about them that you believe them to be true. While they might be your personal truth at the time, they are not facts, no matter how strongly you believe them to be true.

It all starts with an event or stimulus. Something happens that gives us a certain experience.

Then, we react to our experience by making meaning of it and forming judgments.

Then, our judgments stimulate our emotions- mad, sad, glad, fear, shame.

And this all happens in the blink of an eye.

We can then react consciously or unconsciously. If we react unconsciously we will act out our feelings and judgments, whatever they are.

FINDING LASTING LOVE BY EXPERIENCING YOUR EXPERIENCE

Strive to stay grounded in the reality of what is and make your decisions based on reality, instead of trying to make the relationship be what you want it to be. It’s a fine line, because we do have a vision, we do have requirements, needs, and wants, and our agenda is to live that vision and get those requirements, needs, and wants met. But to find lasting love we must choose a partner that’s truly aligned with our needs and work with that partner in a reality-based way by experiencing our experience each and every day.